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The Blue Tango · (11-27-2021)

The city was Xtra dark tonight. I don’t know what it was, but something just didn’t sit right. It was a good night for a night on the town………………

I did the usual thing. Made sure the rooftops were clear; as well as the alleys, the subways, and the shadows. The night seemed calm, until…

There’s an explosion on 2nd and 4th Street! It’s the old Citizen’s and what you call it bank! There must be a robbery!!! I scale several rooftops until I reach the rooftop of my condo and light the Tango symbol….

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After admiring it for several minutes, I follow several police cars to the crime scene where XWF Xtreme Champion Jim Caedus runs out from the bank carrying several sacks of XBUX!!

I swoop down ahead of the policemen and turn back to them.

“Stand down, good citizens! I have this one covered!”

Policeman 1: “Get the fuck out of the way weirdo!”

Policeman 2: “Open fire!”

Police Chief: “God dammit, Tango! Get the fuck out of here!”

I narrow my eyes and face my enemy.

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“Game’s over, Jim. Time to hand over the gold.”

Jim says something like, “You think this is the end, Tango? I have MUCH more up my sleeve!”

Tango’s enemy snaps his wrist and fires a laser beam that he whips across the group of policemen cutting them clean in half from the waist! Lucky for Tango, he was collecting a penny off the ground at the time!

“Nice try, Jim! But it appears, luck is on our side THIS time!”

Tango holds out the penny then turns around and sees the massacre behind him. He turns back to face his foe.

“Well played.”

Jim says something like, “You’ll never win, Tango… You see, this was all just a trap! We knew you couldn’t resist the temptation to…. TANGO!”

“Don’t be lame, Caedus. Tell me what this is all ABout.”

Sorry for the squeak. I haven’t done the raspy voice in a while.

Jim goes on with something like, “Oh… I’m SURE you know what I mean…”

From the darkest of shadows emerges Blue Tango’s archest of enemies.

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“KEVIN SPACEY?! I should have known.”

“That’s right, Tango…….. This is all part of the plan.”

“What? Killing cops? Stealing XBUX? This doesn’t make any sense, Spacey. Why are you here? What does Caedus have to do with any of this?”

“The Xtreme Champion is merely a tool in my game…................... CALYPSO…”

I shudder, gasp, and crap my tights a little. But not much so it’s okay. I tighten up and narrow my eyes again.

“You see, you pinning the champion would mean nothing, right now. He already has enough weeks as champion… Enough defenses that he’s been rewarded a 24/7 briefcase… and we all know what he has planned for THAT…. Muahaha…”

Jim evil laughs along with that son of a bitch Kevin Spacey. I adjust my tights.

“I don’t like your tone, Spacey! Tell me what this is all about… Or else!”

Jim might have taken a step forward, but Spacey definitely opened his mouth again…

“Or what? You stand no chance… What happens if you walk away with the Xtreme Championship?! You’ll just lose it like you did the Television Championship!”

“You know NOTHING!”

The Television Title meant a lot to me… Even if I only had it for like three days and never really travelled with it. It was the highlight of my career after beating Ghost Tank in my very first match and winning the Federweight Championship seven times. Space crossed the line and I was going to show him that when I make a line…. You don’t ever cross it. EVER.

I make a B-line towards the Xtreme Champion… but I’m stopped by a dozen or more ninjas! The thing about ninjas are, they scream and cry out before they attack… And they have this thing called ninja-pride, or something, where they only fight one at a time. So as one would cry and jump forward, (they would all eventually attack with the same lunging, leaping fist) I would counter with a neck jab which took each of them out individually! Until I was left alone with Caedus….

“I guess it’s just me and you.”

Jim said something like, “Blah, bleh, bleh, you’re a

”

I narrowed my eyes for the last time, looked over at Kevin Spacey who was just making his escape… and quickly ran up and rolled up Caedus into a schoolboy!!!!

JimCaedus · (11-27-2021)

Dimmy Caedus claps happily in the bathtub watching the latest episode of How DARE You Mock Purposely Convoluted Mystery Storylines Intended to Make You Look Stupid and Us All Laugh At You, or as the Millennials call it, H.D.Y.M.P.C.M.S.I.M.Y.L.S.U.A.L.Y. for short(?)- granted, it's not the most well thought out name for a series but he likes to believe he understands and loves it all the same -giggling brainlessly despite the inside jokes sailing over his very very large dome complete with protruding bubbled out forehead.

What a

, amirite?

Uh oh...suddenly the Blue Tango rolls Dimmy's favorite character- FWX's Jim "The Clown" Caedus -up in a schoolboy, causing Dimmy to spazz out.

Splashing the tub water. nnnnNO! nnnnNO! NO TANGO NO!! Dimmy farts in the tub, a nice sized poop floating to the surface.

1...

NO NO!! Dimmy snatches the poop and smears it across the tiny TV set- perched precariously on the tub edge.

2...

NO NO TANGO NO!!

Dimmy loses control and smacks the offending television, knocking it into the bath water.

As the electricity flows through him his body locks up, legs KICKING OUT of the water a few moments before his eyes pop and his giant head explodes like a piñata.

Dimmy Caedus
February 12, 1980 - November 27, 2021

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