October 15th, 2020

Beep…

Beep…

Beep…

It was the heartbeats that gave Ned hope.

His mother laid still in the hospital bed, connected to however many tubes and machines. The impact on that last Warfare hadn’t done Ned’s mother any favors. And the bitter irony of seeing his mother in a dire state in the hospital a few months over a year after his father had passed away was not lost on him. But that pulse, that beep brought a needed bit of optimism to Ned’s year, even if it came out of a horrible circumstance. He had no plans to leave her side as he sat in the chair next to her, head slumped over in an exhausted haze. Every now and then, he found himself tapping a finger to the rhythm of her heartbeat. The door opened, his brother, Nate, stepping in with a bottle of water for himself and Ned. Nate had always prided himself on a suave, clean and professional look when stood next to his family, but today he looked more worn than ever. He tossed the water bottle into Ned’s lap, startling his brother slightly before pressing his bottle to his forehead.

“Thought you could use one.”

Sighing while finding some buried energy to unscrew the tight plastic cap, Ned responded, “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. Any updates?”

Ned took a swig of chilled water, that cooled his throat as it traveled.

“Nope. They don’t know if she’ll get out of this coma.”

“When. When she’ll get out.”

The two men shared a glare, their deepest fears plain on their faces.

“I’m trying to be realistic, Nate.”

“Ned, when has that attitude ever helped you?”

Ned paused, visibly hurt by the response.

“...Sorry. Look, I don’t blame you for this-”

“Nate, stop. Just stop.”

Ned gave a stoic glare to his older brother, the dark circles under his eyes accentuated by the harsh hospital lighting.

“You might not blame me. I do, but that’s irrelevant right now. What matters is Mom and her health and safety, not making me feel better or my feelings, so please lay off it right now.”

Nate gave a silent nod, growing quiet for a few minutes until a faint smile began to grow on his face.

“...You remember when we went to SeaWorld that summer and Dad forgot to put on sunscreen and I dared you to slap Dad’s back towards the end of the day?”

Ned started to chuckle lightly.

“You said you’d give me twenty bucks.”

“I did!”

“You gave me ten!”

“I did no- that’s not the point! The point is that you did and before Mom and Dad read you your rights-”

Ned cuts in, beginning to laugh more.

“I remember! Dad yelped and dashed forward and Mom crumpled over laughing!”

“It was the hardest I ever saw her laugh!”

The two share in some much-needed chuckles as they recall the trip. A few tears fill Ned’s eyes as he laughs, his levity interrupted by heavy breaths.

“She’s gonna be okay.”

“I don’t know what I’ll do if she’s not.”

Nate leans back in his chair, glancing at his watch.

“Shit. Ned, you’re running late for your appointment. You’d better head out.”

“What if-”

“She’ll be fine. I’m here.”

Ned looked to his mother, anxious about leaving before starting for the door.

---

Dr. Pheelanruff snapped his fingers repeatedly in front of Ned’s eyes.

“Hey-uh… Ned? Earth to Ned! You in there, wrestle-boy?”

Ned blinked off the blank haze that enveloped his mind as he attempted to focus on today’s therapy session. As he finally regained his attention, he gently pushed the doctor’s hand away from his face.

“Thank, Christ, Ned. I thought there might’ve been something wrong with you! Anyway, today’s topic is really important, so I expect some notes or at least for you to listen.”

“Sorry, doc, it’s been a rough morning. What have you got for me?”

Urias Pheelanruff beckoned Ned over to a table with a large sheet covering a few items beneath it. He proudly tapped his fingers together like some sort of stereotypical villain would in the delight of his setup.

“Today, we’re gonna tackle visualization! The important piece of helping you achieve a better worldview and the goals you set for yourself, related or unrelated to mental health! Now, I’m no wrestlin’ guy, so I figured the best way we could both share in some easy visualization is with…”

Urias tugged hard on the sheet, knocking all of the contents onto the floor without revealing a single one.

“Oh shoot. One sec. Just, just turn around for me.”

Ned shrugs, doing as requested.

With an uncertain voice, he asks, “Urias, I think this isn’t much of a help.”

The doctor has already leaned over, desperately trying to pick up the items and sheet that he just whipped upon the floor.

“What, can you not turn around? I’m not the kind of doctor who can help with that, Mr. Kaye.”

“No, I mean… there’s a mirror on this wall.”

Urias swings his head towards the sound of Ned’s voice only to be met by his own reflection. He panics, flailing his appendages and falling to the floor in a desperate attempt to prevent Ned from seeing any of his surprise therapy tools.

“Ah-ugh-ah! Turn around the other way!”

Ned takes a moment to parse that demand through.

“What do you mean turn around the other way?! That’s just facing you!”

“Then close your eyes!”

“Fine!”

Ned shuts his eyes, placing his palms in front of them for an extra layer of visual security for Pheelanruff. After a few minutes of placing the objects on the table once more, Urias is happy with his reconstructed display.

“Okay, now.”

Ned uncovers his eyes, turning around to see an XWF toy ring with a Ned Kaye and Homer Simpson action figure.

“They didn’t have a Charlie Nickles yet, but look it’s basically the same! They’re both a little chubblier and past their prime! Haha!”

Urias raises his hand for a high five as Ned stands still as a statue. It is only after about half a minute of anticipation that Ned sighs and gives him a pity high-five in return.

“Aw yeah! Still got it, Urias!”

“I don’t appreciate you saying those kinds of things about my opponents. Especially when they’re friends.”

“Alright, I’ll back off it a little in the future. But isn’t this cool?”

“I guess. What is it for?”

“Visualization, Ned! Just like I said! Now we have a visual aid to help examine your professional fears and goals! For example:”

Urias picks up the two figures and begins to clash them together, making grunting sounds as he does. He places the Kaye figure in the extended arms of Homer, flinging him in the bouncy toy ropes.

“Oh no! Charlie’s flung Ned across the ring! And now he’s going after Ned’s crotch!”

Pheelanruff pounds Homer’s feet onto Ned’s general lower half as he does a cartoony Ned voice.

“Oh nooooo! My groiiiinnnn!”

Ned’s head sinks into his hands, frustration nearly bursting out of him.

“How is this supposed to help, Urias?! I’ve had a horrible night. My mother is in the hospital in a coma and I don’t know if she’s even going to come out of it, let alone be okay! The last thing I need is-”

“-is to dwell on it.”

“-is your… what?”

Dr. Pheelanruff looks at Ned with an expression of genuine warmth and concern.

“Look, Ned. You have a very bad habit of making all the problems in your life bigger by forcing them into your mind and expecting yourself to take all the blame and guilt and it just makes you more upset. What’s happened with your mother has happened. You can’t undo it. Letting it take control of you doesn’t solve anything, but unlike a lot of people, you have a chance to get some closure with your occupation. And while I never want to compel you to hold grudges or harm anyone seriously, it is important that to support you in your work. And if you visualize your goals and put effort into achieving them, you can finally start to feel more fulfilled overall and we can begin working on other steps. I might be a little incompetent, but I still have a process I want to help you go through to improve not only your mental state but your ability to preserve the accomplishments you do make. And that’s going to involve some wrestling, even with people you’d overall like to avoid, like Charlie. It’s important that you put just as much effort in for this endeavor as you do for mental improvement and your fights against people you don’t care for. The only way you get to closure is by overcoming each challenge, not just the ones you want.”

“So, this is an actual part of helping me get over my issues…?”

“Absolutely!”

“And not an excuse for you to play with toys?”

“Please, Ned, I would never! Now, if you’ll excuse me, back to where we were… Ah, yes!”

Pheelanruff pulls a Godzilla figure out of his coat pocket and begins to have it gnaw on toy Ned’s foot.

“You are an enigma, Doctor.”

The doctor begins to badly sing to the tune of Blue Oyster Cult’s classic song.

“Ohhhh no. He’s eat-ting all your toes. Go, go, Godzilla!”

---

---

---

This ain’t no place for no better man.

“Nine years.”

Ned rubs his hands together as he seemingly gazes off into space.

“That’s about how long I’ve been wrestling. Since I first started learning the craft and competing in scattered indies across the country. Just a little less than a decade. And ever since then, I’ve had a growing number of eyes on me from those keeping up with the independent scene, and that brings with it an inherent question: “who’s next?” Considering we had spent some time in the same places, it was inevitable that you and I, one-on-one would be requested and speculated about, but it never quite came to fruition. Well, until now. When we both flocked to a summit of kings, demons, and men alike to prove what we were worth. You, Charlie, broke your chains and rose to grand heights that people didn’t expect of you because of your problems with drugs and the issues you faced in your storied career. While I returned after failing my greatest aspiration, failing my friends, failing my family, failing myself, and getting dragged back by a sycophant attempting to emulate the creature that cut my first run here short. Now, we stand across from one another after standing firmly as successful allies, our confrontation finally about to take place.”

“After nine years.”

Kaye nods absentmindedly before refocusing.

“Nine years since I took the plunge on a dream. A wistful fantasy birthed out of the captivated eyes of an observer. A young kid who wanted to stand amongst the Steve Jasons, Brands, Centurions, and James Ravens of the world. And, somehow nearly two years ago, I found myself where I proclaimed I would stand, even alongside my idols and heroes in the house built by the greatest hands in this business, occasionally collaborating, other times working against one another. And yet, despite being apart of the greatest stable in this already prestigious company, I find myself feeling more alone and unfulfilled than ever. I expected to come back to hands and yet I feel like I’m surrounded by the backs of the heads of my peers. I’ve certainly gotten love from the fans, but in this house of giants, I feel even smaller in the mirrors than I used to. But I got to partner with you, Charlie. A man who’s been down a similar path, a man I can relate to, even if we remain different in so many ways. You gave me that feeling of having a partner again. Of having a friend again, even a friend who really got on my nerves. And now I have to fight you.”

Ned exhales, shaking his head while looking down.

“It brings me no pleasure. I’d almost consider saying no, but it wouldn’t be fair to you. And it wouldn’t be fair to my mother, a woman who lies comatose because of the kinds of poison I failed to stop back in March. It’s like the world has determined that I should never be allowed to forget what happened at March Madness despite my revitalized strength and focus. Even if I’ve overcome it, everyone continues to throw it back in my face, and now BOB, a group with similar interests to Chaotic Inc, holds two of our biggest Championship belts as they smile and spit in the face of everything I value here, while Chris Chaos waits in the wings for a title opportunity he doesn’t deserve, attempting to throw me away until he can have some fun again. The house of giants has started to crumble. Ruby, a figure of endless optimism, has lost her smile. The modern era of the XWF is under an eclipse and someone has to stop it. Someone has to try.”

“And regardless of any respect I have for you, Charlie, you’re not the man for the job. This is my war to wage. My war to win. I’ve faced hell and I have stepped back from the brink not only more formidable, but wiser. And to fight for you and the people like you, Nickles, I have to beat you. Firmly and definitively. Despite every rude, misanthropic thing you said around me, the passion you see me fight with in this match isn’t aimed at you, but the people you’ve been placed squarely in front of. If it means taking you to your limit and taking you down to begin rebuilding the foundations of this home, my home, our home- then you’re goddamn right that I’ll do it. And if you gave me a thousand more chances to rethink my approach here, you’d be pinned a thousand and one times, Charlie. From a young vet to an old, know that I will make this match everything everyone hoped it would be. But from me to you, know that I can’t let you win.”

“I said you’d shine a lot brighter a lot quicker than me, buddy. But I never said you’d burn hotter. Try not to melt.”

---

"You can't run from yourself."