Like tiny tin soldiers all stood up neatly in a line my opponents will fall. I am the hand that knocks them to the ground. One by one. I am the force that will continue to topple them down. Nobody poses a threat. Nobody stands a chance. Once they're in the ring with me all bets are off. Madness is my home. The ring is my fucking playground. Despite the opposition to my presence, I remain. Despite the bitching, I stand tall. Belt around my waist defeating one person at a time. No one really rising up to the challenge. Which is sad cause people were sure certain I was going to fall flat on my ass as soon as I got here. Where are they now though? Those people who talked shit, who were so certain of my emanate failure. Where have they gone? I'm still here....so where are they?

Where's Craig Davis even? He's my opponent for tonight's match and yet I haven't heard a peep from him. Not one word regarding our match. It's kinda upsetting since he had so much to say about Mr. XWF. Yet when it comes to facing me and attempting to win the title he doesn't say a word. Maybe it's outta fear. Fear because he knows what's gonna happen out there. He knows he stepped up to me and tried to punk his way into an image of being a badass when he knows he really ain't shit. He knows I'm going to have to knock him down off that invisible high horse. He can't be treating me like a bitch to make some sorta name for himself and get away with it. Maybe if he was dealing with me while I was employed by the WWE or TNA but I'm employed by the XWF now. I don't need to follow what a company predetermines what I should or shouldn't do. I'm free to do what I want, when I want. That means the world is gonna see a whole different Jeff Hardy.

That''s why I've been dominating since I arrived. Ain't nobody gonna stop my rise to the top! Surely not Craig Davis! Or any other person who steps up to me. I'm unstoppable and I'm only getting started. Once I've truly dominated all Madness has to offer I think I'll set my sights on the other shows as well. If a true challenge won't step up to me, perhaps I need to go to it. I need to start walking into other arenas and letting the rosters know I'm here and I'm fucking serious about it! First I need to take care of Craig Davis though. Teach him a few things about in ring etiquette and show him the man who's holding the belt, the man he wants to try and rip the European title from is not a man to take lightly. No, the man holding the belt is set out to prove to the fucking world that not only is he the most extreme man on the roster but he's here to stay and he's here to dominate! I'm here to shake the company to it's very core and this European title strapped around my waist ain't ever coming off!





It's a weird feeling being stuck in a room with two people you recently slept with. Especially when those two people happen to be your wife and the woman you cheated on your wife with. Even more so when both women seem to get along and the topic that they share is your stupidity. It's a real spirit crushing moment. One that requires the salvation of narcotics. I know, I'm Jeff Hardy and the moment always seems to require massive amounts of drugs but this case warrants it even more. So I make an excuse to leave the area Pixie and Beth are located and I head through the halls of the Time Warner Cable Arena as I text.

DRUGS! S.O.S!

Yes, I just sent that as a text. Yes, texting that works too. You should have heard my excuse to leave. I actually just said the words "purple monkey dishwasher" and they both just nodded and kept talking. What did that even mean? I mean they both must think my brain is that far gone or just didn't notice me and I could have literally said anything. Continuing on down the hall I decide to hit the bathroom. As I enter I almost drop to the floor with the rank odor that blasts me in the face as soon as I open the door. I feel like a superhuman entity of stink just slapped me in the face. No human could release that much funk. Not to mention the grotesque noises that just filled the bathroom. It sounded like two water buffaloes mating or a woman giving birth to a manatee and the manatee was already half emerged outta her and it was a full grown adult manatee that was also dying. I'm surprised these noises didn't radiate out into the hall causing folks to be alarmed and summon the paramedics or possibly even a priest.

Despite the chaos I heard and the rank odor that hit me, I decided to take a piss. I have never urinated that fast in all my life. I couldn't release it fast enough and get the fuck outta there! Once I finished I turned to exit right as who ever was exorcising demons in the form of taking a crap flushed the toilet. The stall door swung open and out stepped Paul Heyman. I blinked and tried to stifle the laughter that wanted to pour outta me. Paul Heyman just nodded at me and walked to the sink. I couldn't just leave it at that though.

God damn Paul! What the fuck have you been ingesting? Are you human? What the fuck man! I thought there were fucking demons being exorcised in that stall!

Paul Heyman turned and grinned.

What can I say, I take everything to the extreme...including my shits.

I laughed and we both exited the bathroom. I checked my phone and realized I got a text back. Yes....success! Drugs! Paul looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

So how's the whole wife and "assistant" thing going?

They're actually getting along. Bonding. Over all the things I've done. It's quite flattering actually.

Wow, that is brutal. So that was a text letting you know your drugs were here.

I blinked unsure of how to respond. Paul began laughing before my brain could conjure an answer.

I'm kidding! I know you wouldn't use drugs to run away from things. Plus with your match so close, I'm sure you wouldn't take anything that might disable you from performing tonight.

Right, no....I wouldn't do that. That was actually a reminder I set on my phone to...pray and take my vitamins. I'll go get on that right now. See ya in a bit Paulie.

Good luck on your match tonight, Jeff!

With that Paul and I parted ways. I trekked down the halls and met up with someone I refer to as my "pharmaceutical representative". After that I continued on my way to my locker room and was suddenly blindsided by someone tackling me and pulling me into a closet.

What the fuck?!?!

Relax, it's me! I just had to get away from your wife! How can you stand that woman! God, I needed a break.

It seemed like you two were getting along.

Oh no sweetie, that was my work voice. I talk like that when I need to get along and keep people calm. I talked like that to Paul Heyman when you were late the last time too.

So all that sharing stories about the stupid shit I did, that was fake too?

No, that was for fun. Why did it make you mad?

Kinda. A bit bruised feeling in the ego department as well. Not anything major and nothing that couldn't be forgotten.

Forgotten by the memory elapsing power of drugs!

Well, now we're even for you putting me in that weird situation to begin with.

I see. Well, we probably shouldn't be in this closet together with my wife in the building.

I know and I probably shouldn't do this either.

Yeah, that pretty much meant I was cheating on my wife with her in the same building. It's a bit hard to argue when your hot pink haired assistant is already on her knees and your dick is out. Kind of a "go with the flow" moment right there, or at least it's that way for me.