http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=10827


Taking an old angle back up.. see where it goes. Tell me what you all think so far.

Read this earlier when you first posted it, I loved it, can't wait to read the next 4 parts. No gripes or "you should change this" on my end. good work

Thank you John.

It was good and I thought the emotions and internal struggle within Alexandra was conveyed very realistic and heartfelt but I think you could have explained or embellished more on why Alexandra was escaping a gathering of people. Who they were, why they were there, or at the very least, where she was and why she was there. Instead of just leaving it at, that she was climbing out onto a roof in order to wait for everyone to leave. It left a lot to just the imagination and while I'm a fan of when an rp can leave you wondering and curious as to what's going happen next, leaving too much to the imagination isn't always the best. Nothing a follow up rp couldn't fix though. The ending was a nice twist with Alexandra revealing she isn't human and had wings that saved her from certain death and I felt it left off with just the right amount of expectation for the next installment. All in all it was enjoyable and I liked it. I'd just work on your set up and try explaining more in depth what's going on, rather then leaving so much to the imagination .

Yes, after reading all three pieces within this series, I am inclined to agree with Axle. A bit more insight would have been good. Explaining what Alexandra was doing at a plantation and why she was there, rather than solely focusing on how she was waiting for people to leave would have proved to be an asset to the reader. However, that actually is another point that could have used a bit more explanation. Since; we the reader, don't know who these people are or why, Ally wants to avoid them.


Then going directly into the second piece, you're slightly left with a bit of confusion that a brief explanation could have alleviated. Since last we read, Alexandra was laying on the ground after she fell off the roof of a plantation but when we see her next, she's in a cemetery. A scenery change like that sometimes doesn't need to be focused on, but since this piece comes right after the first; story wise, explaining how the transition happened would have made things more clear. Especially since Ally then goes off to a third location with no mention as to why she's going there, instead of heading back to the plantation.


Which then brings me to your third and final rp within this series, where Ally is now fully embracing her 'angel of darkness' image and she's ushering souls into heaven. This being the final piece in the trilogy, makes me wonder how did Ally get from rp 2 - 3, when she thought having wings was a dream? An issue that could have been avoided had you addressed what happened.


You're a very talented writer Ally and despite having points of confusion within them, these three rps showcase that. Each is very well written but you need to work on what you leave to the reader's imagination. A good mystery is fine and certainly can enhance a story, but leaving large portions of describing scenery or explaining what's going on, why it's happening and how it came to be, can just leave the reader feeling lost. You're a very gifted writer and your stories are fascinating and original. All I suggest is that you pay more mind when setting a scene and progressing from one scenario to the next. Remember you're painting a picture with your words, leaving certain ones out, stops us from seeing the full image.

Thanks guys. I appreciate the insight. Things were a bit rushed to say the least, but the next series will be better.