Thunder Knuckles is seen leaving his hotel room in Swansea, Wales. He’s wearing a “Hart Championship: number one contender's spot” on the front, on the back it says “FOR SALE” t-shirt tucked into black suit pants, with a thin leather belt holding them up, a pair of black Armani dress shoes, and those pimp ass shades he wore before, you know the ones. Thunder Knuckles knowing BigD and other championship hungry roster members are watching. He’s carrying a metal briefcase.


Alright, cameraman you ready to go? It’s that car over there.


Thunder Knuckles points over to 1968 Jaguar MK X. Thunder Knuckles and the cameraman walked over to the car and got in.


Cameraman fasten your seat...nevermind, you do you.


Thunder Knuckles fastens his seatbelt, safety first, and starts driving down the street away from the hotel. The radio plays softly behind Thunder Knuckles's voice.





We’re going to meet some very important people you and me. They’re these Jewish guys and I gotta drop off this briefcase to them. You already knew that though, huh cameraman.


The cameraman shakes his head and the camera “yes”.


Yeah, I figured.


Thunder Knuckles changes the subject quickly.


So let this be a lesson to all those who question why we get paid. BigD the NEW TELEVISION CHAMPION! His hard-earned, ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND, xbux gave him the power to challenge Thaddeus Duke.

THE POWER OF XBUX LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!


Thunder Knuckles exclaimed proudly. Showing the naysayers that they’re just hating because the never thought to do this. Thunder Knuckles is that cool kid, that Kool Kids look up to. Thunder Knuckles remembers something and blurts it out like vomit as soon as he thinks of it.


THADDEUS DUKE hasn’t paid his opportunity cost. I wonder if he thinks Ol’ Thunder Knuckles is joking. Time, cameraman, he’s wasting time. Time is xbux, so, ONE THOUSAND ONE HUNDRED xbux is the new price. Keep in mind Thaddeus Duke, that I'm the only one of us who won their match on Savage.


Thunder Knuckles's phone rings and he answers it while driving.


Jimmy calm down, what's going? I was just cutting a promo about that.


Jimmy’s voice on the phone inaudible.


So, Sebastian Duke is his replacement?

YES!

Okay! Damn, Jimmy, you didn't have to fucking yell. I’m getting off here.


Thunder Knuckles hangs up the phone.


Turns out Thaddeus Duke can’t read. He violated his contract and was fired, I guess. SEBASTIAN DUKE. Your price to get good promo work from me is ONE HUNDRED xbux. It’s so cheap because your a replacement and didn't need this thrust upon you but Ol’ Thunder Knuckles doesn’t help anyone for free.


Thunder Knuckles winks into the camera and gives a thumbs up to SEBASTIAN DUKE.


Anyways, Drezdin’s paid girlfriend, Speechless Von Prick Hammer, And Peter Fucking Gilmour.

We’ll start with the least important first, as is normal, Drezdin’s Paid Girlfriend.

She’s been campaigning with her man, I think he's gonna win guys. I encourage everyone in the United States of America, to write in Drezdin if he’s not on your local ballot. A proven candidate for success, with a capital s.

Then again an odd thing happened. Drezdin, himself, cuts a promo for his first lady? I’m not sure if he ran out of cash or if he’s thinking he’s in the match. Fuck, I don't even know anymore. XWF is fucking with me today.


Thunder Knuckles pauses for a couple of seconds and thinks to himself don't waste any more time on this.


Okay, we’re finished with that.


Thunder Knuckles is racing down the road at a dangerous speed. You can tell the cameraman is nervous by the video quality, it’s shaky.


Speechless Von Prick Hammer and his sleazy broke, lawyer/advocate Anthony The Joke.

Anthony The Joke, I can advertise for you for FIVE HUNDRED xbux. Maybe get your client base up, seeing as these two useless tools aren’t paying you shit. You said, “WHEN” your client wins. Wanna put a quick ONE HUNDRED xbux on your client? I mean your so confident, but I would be too, I mean if I knew in editing my guy would come out on top.

Speechless Von Prick Hammer, for a guy without a single match, in XWF, you sure talk a fuck ton, don’t you? I'm going to give you a bit of advice that was handed to me, in a very cunty way. Win a match and then talk some shit, until then you look stupid as fuck. Did you say your gonna leave me for last or Peter Fucking Gilmour?


Thunder Knuckles smiles from ear to ear, as if he saw his first pair of tits.


When you're eliminated because you tried “saving” me or Peter Fucking Gilmour for glory's sake. Your gonna be thinking, I should have started a little slower than jumping in with Ol’ Thunder Knuckles. Everyone knows I'm coming out of this victorious, too many potential xbux on the line. Don’t worry. A lot of experienced people have thought the same thing about me, before stepping in the ring with me, of course. This couch potato got some moves, damn it, and you're going to find that out the hard way.

This guy fucking thinks he’s “Thor” though for real! watch his first promo, He beat an old man with a hammer and throws that bitch. Fuck me, I thought I was fucking with humans and here I am fucking with a bad “Marvel Comics” rip off Norse God, by age eight.

Thunder Knuckles scoffs and gives a jerk-off gesture while driving.

Your promos are shot by ninth-graders at best, coming at Ol’ Thunder Knuckles’s senior av team. Get your act together man, that lawyer of yours isn’t doing you any damn favors, bro.

Dudes looking like that dumb mother fucker, from that shitty 2017 “Ghostbusters” movie. Except THAT dumb mother fucker would know he’d lose against Ol’ Thunder Knuckles.


Thunder Knuckles remembers seeing Speechless Von Prick Hammer's second promo now.


This mother fucker waits "four fucking years" to put out another promo and all he has to say is "everyone's in it for their reasons"...what...the...actual...FUCK! No shit!


Thunder Knuckles tries to sound German but comes off more British.


He says I don't just want to win, and if I do win, I'll do what all Americans call pawning it off. He'll pawn off the chance to face the Hart Champion. Why is that fair?

No one said life is fair, dick for brains. Yeah, if you had enough capital you could have bought it but you and your whole broke ass team together can’t buy it after I win it, of course. So fuck off your not worth waiting any longer for.



Thunder Knuckles shrugs his shoulders but maintaining control of the car.


Jimmy told me, Speechless Von Prick Hammer said, he could teach me the value of money. This clown doesn't have enough xbux to fill my gas tank up at SHELLS for a month, let alone show me shit.

Unfortunately for you, Speechless Von Prick Hammer, the only toll afforded to you this time was being a punchline to this joke. Just like Donovan Blackwater and Wylie Sinclair, but they at least had the chance to pay.

His little catchphrase “I am the Hammer and the Hammer has spoken”. Jesus fucking christ!


Thunder Knuckles shakes his head no with a shit-eating grin.


Hammers can’t talk. Duh, everyone knows that. Go ahead! Try to hold a conversation with a hammer. That’s why your catchphrase is garbage. Work on it, you can do so much better. Hell, for FIVE HUNDRED xbux, I'll even come up with a good one for ya!

As far as that crazy little girl goes. I don't have the time to waste it on her.

I’m done with that cock sucker and his possie of fuck sticks, for now.


Thunder Knuckles forgot he was driving and swerves to miss a car making the cameraman jumble around in the passenger seat, which forces the cameraman to fasten his seatbelt.


Peter Fucking Gilmour, the guy sounding like the Tinman in the “Wizard of Oz”, “If I only had a heart”, called me a loser.


Thunder Knuckles shakes his head no and says...


Let’s take a look at Gilmour’s warfare record, as Jimmy has told me:

9/4/19
BigD vs Gilmour vs Mastermind Didn't get the job done. Lost!

8/21/19
Picked up a win over Ghosttank good job and you got to go after that pinecone in the butt championship belt! King of taking things in the butt, I tell you!


Thunder Knuckles distracted. He enters a tone that could only be described as perfect, at least when it comes to selling items to the masses.


Everyone on the roster needs to quit acting like you're not watching Thunder Knuckles! You know the deal about the Lethal Lottery. FIVE THOUSAND xbux and Ol’ Thunder Knuckles Knocks off your competition. Pretty straight forward. Get ahold of me and you won't have to pay until the day before your match, all run-ins will happen on that show. Non-payment equals non-service.


Thunder Knuckles snaps out of it and gets back to what's important, at this moment.


8/7/19
Gilmour vs Hanari Carnes vs Notorious Ned Kaye. Gilmour got pinned by Notorious Ned Kaye. Lost!

6/19/19
Gilmour vs Tommy Wish for Tommy’s Xtreme Championship. Gilmour taps out. Lost!

6/6/19
Gilmour vs Zane Norrison in an Xtreme rules match. Gilmour ate two fear the reapers and was pinned. Lost!


Thunder Knuckles pulls up to where, he and the cameraman, need to be. They get out and Thunder Knuckles hands the keys over to a very large Jewish man.


Be careful with the Jag, I'm borrowing it.


Thunder Knuckles says to the large Jewish man while making air quotes when he said borrowing. The large Jewish man tilts his head in compliance. Thunder Knuckles and the cameraman walk into the building and walk up to an elevator.


5/8/19
Gilmour vs Eli James. You hit a lucky Deathstrike I don't care what anyone says.

4/24/19
Gilmour vs RL Edgar vs Jake Avery. Win pinned both men. WOW, now that's a wacky turn of events your winning matches!


Thunder Knuckles and his cameraman walk up to the elevator doors. Thunder Knuckles presses the arrow up and waits on the elevator to arrive.



4/10/19
Gilmour vs RL Edgar. Win… but looks like Thunder Knuckles could beat RL Edgar with eye and mouth closed.


The ding from the elevator doors bell rings out, Thunder Knuckles and the cameraman walk into the elevator now.





What floor did I say it was again? The tenth floor, that's right!


Thunder Knuckles hits the button for the tenth floor and continues.


3/13/19
Gilmour vs Tony Santos. Tony beat you by pinfall a fucking roll-up. Tony made that look easy. Lost!

Cameraman those are some nice shoes! I might have to get a pair of those soon! What size do you wear thirteenth?


The cameraman shakes his head and the camera “yes”.


Neat, that's the same size I wear.

Anyway, 2/13/19
Gilmour vs Cockwork. The match was suspended because of fact they both fucking suck.


The elevator dings and the doors open. Thunder Knuckles gets back on track and continues down the hallway.


1/30/19
Gilmour vs Mastermind. You tapped out to the Mind Control and Mastermind retained his Television Title that night. Lost!


Thunder Knuckles and his cameraman get to a guarded door and shows the briefcase and the guard lets them through. Thunder Knuckles with the cameraman just steps behind him continue down another hallway.


1/16/19
Gilmour got hit with a Robbie Bomb and was pinned effortlessly. Lost!

8/30/18
Your big moment with Drezdin you managed to capture the Tag Team Championships, from BX3 but more specifically, Bilbo Brommar and Sebastian Dyke. Only to lose your belts to the Midnight Dolls on 9/14/18, fifteen days good job boys! I bet Drezdin’s girlfriend was around for that one.

8/16/19
Gilmour vs Drezdin. The best part of that match was hearing the bell rang to announce you as the biggest idiot ever. Win, I guess.


Thunder Knuckles envisions Peter Fucking Gilmour swinging a cat by its tail, while drool falls from his mouth saying…Duhhur I'm the biggest idiot ever! However, he walks up to a caged door and waves at a Jewish man behind the cage with a smile on his face.


He’s with me.


Thunder Knuckles pointing to the cameraman. The man behind the cage buzzes in Thunder Knuckles and the cameraman.


What does that make?


Thunder Knuckles counting with his fingers, looking like a chimpanzee, trying to figure out a “shape puzzle” for the first time.


That’s six wins? Out of fourteen fight on Warfare? Do you think your gonna beat me, Peter Fucking Gilmour? I'm afraid that’s just not gonna happen. When we meet in this elimination fatal four-way for the number one contender spot, October twenty-third. I hope it’s a cool 65-degree day, with a gentle breeze, that whisks the autumn leaves from the ground. So you can feel comfortable with another loss.

Speaking of numbers, Jimmy did the math for me. Forty-three percent win rate, give me a fucking break! Called me a loser, track records, pal.


Thunder Knuckles remembers Peter Gilmour's second promo and begins shooting on it.


Did anyone notice that Peter Fucking Gilmour spent he last promo defending himself? He didn’t even get any good shot in on Ol’ Thunder Knuckles.

Peter Fucking Gilmour, you flatter yourself, into thinking you can afford the shot I'm going to win on Wednesday night Warfare. It’s only gonna hurt your self-esteem because your price will be EIGHTY THOUSAND xbux. If you think you can beat Centurion. That’s who you’ll be facing not that migraine of a man MasterMind, he doesn't stand a chance, unless he’s part of Anthony The Jokes goon platoon, that edits the film. I digress.


Thunder Knuckles rolls his eyes and says...


I already control the narrative. So, these fucking clowns and play catch up. That reminds me of what I'm going to do fight night, it's called ring generalship, fuck faces. Learned that watching boxing. I don’t even need to wait for your poor excuses of promos to know, I already won, either fucking one of you.





Thunder Knuckles sees Avraham, once he and the cameraman, enter the next room.


Here Avraham!


After Thunder Knuckles walks past several large Jewish men, who look like they mean business. Thunder Knuckles hands over the metal briefcase to Avraham. Avraham walks over to a desk and looks inside and sees the diamonds, Thunder Knuckles had brought. Not that Thunder Knuckles knew what was inside, nor did he care. Avraham inspects the diamonds then nods to a couple of the large Jewish men in the room.


Alright, it looks like were fucking good here. So, just pay me and we’ll be out.


Avraham reaches in his desk drawer and grabs a large some of United States dollar bills. Avraham hands over the money to Thunder Knuckles. Then Thunder Knuckles says…


Oh, by the way, this is the guy I was telling you about. You know, the guy that was filming me when Kalonymus called.


Thunder Knuckles looks over at the cameraman and smiles. By the time Thunder Knuckles smiles you had already heard a loud bang. The camera never saw anyone shoot a gun, but the camera hit the floor. Thunder Knuckles walks up to the cameraman's body and takes off his shoes. Thunder Knuckles then shuts off the camera. Before the camera was shut off Thunder Knuckles says…


Be glad it wasn’t Sunday cameraman, these guys are pretty clever when it comes to killing without using machines. I told you, I’d have to get a pair of those shoes soon. Should have minded your own fucking business, ya fuck.