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Shandell Jones · (12-15-2016)

*People are walking down a busy street somewhere in Virginia, the hustle and bustle of everyday life not seeming to get any of them down. Most in their coats, some even carrying gifts as Christmas time is just right around the corner. A piece of paper is seen flying around weightlessly, as we zoom in we can see that it is a receipt. The receipt is for a pack of menthol Marlboros, the camera pans with the receipt on to a pair of feet.

The pair of feet are wearing blue suede shoes, as we pan up we see a pair of black dress pants, going up further we see a blue leisure coat atop a white ruffled t-shirt. The person wearing this outfit is non other than XWF competitor, Shandell Jones, closely behind him is a girl straight out of your fantasies, wearing a blue sweater, with tight blue jeans and a pair of boots with the fur on top. We zoom in on Shandell's face as he is taking a large draw off of one of the mentholated Marlboros. He then looks at the camera as he flicks the cigarette away.

Walking down the street they make it to a department store, which they enter. Shandell and his lovely girl are walking down the isles and make their way to the electronics. They are in the video game section, Shandell grabs an XWF video game from the shelve and looks at the back of it.*

Shandell Jones: It's useless, it doesn't have me on it.

*He tosses it onto the ground and kicks it underneath the shelves, he then grabs another game and looks at the back of it before tossing it into the cart.*

Shandell: Last minute Christmas shopping for my son, you see, he's like me, he wants only the best. All I want is the best for him, just like all I want is the best for XWf, but it seems no one gets that fact. You see, XWF was worthless before me and they'll be worthless after me, but since they paid me the big bucks, they get a little time in the middle to be, truly great.

*He grabs a laptop and looks at the description.*

Shandell: Only 550 Gigs, fuck that.

*He grabs one that has two terabytes of storage and places it in the cart.*

Shandell: My little girl needs a computer for school, it's amazing what a ten year old has got to do these days. By the sounds of it though, one made their way into the XWF, see my first opponent is Shelby Cobra. Shelby Cobra, seriously, sounds like a sixteen bit Sega Genesis game. What can he do to me, he's got no skills, I've watched tape, I always prepare for my matches, but I don't see nothing special in him, as a matter of a fact, I don't see nothing special in anyone in this two bit organization. I will beat Shelby Cobra with ease on Saturday, he's gonna get, suplexed, dropkicked, powerbombed, hip-tossed, thrown over the top rope, thrown into the crowd and then finally, he'll get hit with the California Dope for the one, two, three.

*Shandell grabs a DVD of XWF's Wild Card.*

Shandell: My first interview.

*He tosses it in the cart before continuing to browse around.*

Shandell: So Sunday's my first match, I don't sweat it, no pre-match jitters, no nervous ticks, just a feeling of being pissed at the fact I'm booked against a nobody, a nobody by XWF standards, now that's bad. Has this guy even had a match here, I only saw him compete in the Indies, XWF is the big time now that I'm here. Everyone better take notice, from Snow to Waters from Chaos to Moore, from the insane doctor to Peter, "suck my dick", Gilmour. They all better take notice and realize that I am the true main event. This Saturday, Shelby Cobra will know he's in there with the main event and rest assured once I put him out of his misery and the next guy, and the next guy, and they next guy and so on and so forth until I have that Universal title, every one in my way will know they were in the ring with the Main Event, The Sharper Image, the Absolute Perfectionist, Shandell Jones.

Saturday Cobra, you will feel the wrath of a real wrestling star, not some half wit idiot who can cut a promo but not back it up in the ring. Frankly all I see here are wet dip-shits who can talk but can't write the check they say they're gonna cash. I see a lot of talk but not a whole lot of technically sound in-ring performances, not only are the in-ring performances not pretty but they are also inefficient for someone of The Sharper Image's technical prowess. You see, I'm gonna chop, screw, snap, cut, everybody in the whole damn company. This shit is too easy, Shane

, give me a challenge, give me an adversary worth my time, I don't care how long it takes for you to bring them in, because I'll be waiting, the fans will be waiting as they back me up every step of the way.

You see, the time has come for talk to stop and action to take affect. Action is just what I'm gonna bring, from the first time I lace up my boots to the second that I enter that ring, to the moment I take the boots off, and when I'm on the microphone, well that's pure gold and anyone who thinks any differently on any point that I have made can try to show me what they're made of in that ring, that's how you cut a promo, right baby?

Girl: Right!

Shandell: And the fact is, every half-baked loser in the back of the locker room can get a piece of this, all they half to do is ask and it's permitted, permitted they have the balls to step into the squared circle with me, myself and I. I don't think anyone has the guts to do, but if you can prove me wrong, go right ahead and make a fool of yourself when you step in the ring with the best thing running. It's 2016 and I'm the top guy, come and get some, the landscape has changed for the better.

*Shandell and his beautiful lady are now in the check-out line purchasing their items.*

Shandell: I can't wait to open the eyes of the wrestlers and the fans of the XWF alike, open their eyes to what a true in-ring performer looks like, what the next XWF Universal champion looks like, what the next wrestling god looks like. Plain and simple, everyone is in my way and everyone is getting mutilated. The time has come for a change to take a hold and I am that change and that change is here and that change will start Saturday night in Richmond, Virgina. The evolution has came to town and things will never be the same. Shelby Cobra will know exactly what he got himself into the second I lay a finger on him. XWF will know exactly what it got itself into whenever I lay a finger on a championship.

This is the arrival of a new order in professional wrestling and no, I ain't talking about another rehash of Hulk Hogan, I'm talking about a new regime of attitude, pain and incomprehensible destruction, what arrives in my wake will be pure anarchy and when the dust settles I will be the only one left standing. The XWF is my company, from now until I decide to let go of it and news flash, I ain't gonna let go of it. The end has begun and the time will soon be up, I'm the best thing that has ever stepped foot into a ring and I will prove it not only Saturday but every time I lace up my boots. The best thing since sliced bread, God's gift to wrestling, the innovator of technique, The Sharper Image, Shandell Jones.

The fact of the matter is that I am the only thing that matters the only commodity this federation has that is worth two cents. I'm worth millions of dollars, I make the rules, I play by them and I have success. There is no way anyone else is ever going to topple my monopoly of the company, I'm here to take over and that's exactly what I plan and what I am going to do. It starts this Saturday, it ends whenever I decide to end it. I'm the greatest thing a ring has ever seen, I am the most dominate athlete in the world, I am the next Universal champion, just like I said before. The time has come for the new face of professional wrestling to step up.

This Saturday I face Shelby Cobra, this Saturday, I beat Shelby Cobra. Kid, this Saturday my reign begins and that's The Sharper Image.

*Shandell takes his presents and puts them back into the cart before walking out of the store with them, he goes down the street to the parking lot and loads his gifts into the back of his Mercedes Benz. He takes the cart and shoves it, it hits a rather old lady knocking her into a red station wagon.*

Shandell: Sorry!

*He then gets into the car and speeds off, the scene fades.*

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