[Jack is in his dilapitated trailer, in Parts Unknown, Oklahoma. He's eatin' a ham sammich. He's drinkin' a beer. He's watchin' the XWF 24/7 feed. He's scratchin' his balls, and he's pissed. And I don't just mean the stain on his sweatpants.]

Jack: GAT DAMMIT!! FroYo, you blind fuckin' ape boy, I AM NOT SPARKLE MCBUTTERFREE YA FUCKIN' QUEER!!

[Jack is REALLY pissed. He's so mad he tosses his half-eaten ham sammich to the floor. Jack never wastes good food. FroYo better watch his back...]

Jack: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT...........[Jack looks toward the lens] CAM-ERA, ZOOM!!

[camera does as it's asked]

Jack: Jack Hoff? NUM-BAH WAN!! FroYo Fagginz, Reeve Fuggin' Gordons, that rainbow-colored Hollywood Jabronie, that gay , raYne-Bo Brite, ALL THREE AH THEM? Hawk-PTOOIE!! I take FroYo Fagginz, I put him in Joe Camel Clutch, I break his back, I fuck his ass, I MAKE HIM HUM-BALLLL.......ol' country way.

[Jack stands up, he slips on his official XWF 'Hoff-a-holic' baseball cap, and he picks up........a contract? A blank, XWF contract...]

Jack: I'm makin' a call tah Verne Troyer. It's time we added another member to The Parm World Order....[he turns his glare to the camera]....Fagginz? We comin' fo YOU, nee-yukah!! Hoff out, PEACE!!

[Jack storms through the door, contract in hand.]


[He then realizes it's the closet door, and decides to use the front door instead.]


--fade to this mess--