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Cadryn Tiberius · **09-15-2017, 05:58 AM**

You wanna hear a story?

Of course you do!

So one time, there was this overly fat dude. I mean, this dude was goddamn gastrically gifted, you know?

Fat as shit.

So, this fat shit had this overly inflated ego, only exacerbated by every piece of cake he shoved in his cockholster. That's right, every time fat shit took a bite, he gained another 10 points of ego inflation. Crazy, right? I mean, having an inflated ego can be entertaining, but not in this case. The motherfucker was about as lackluster as losing your virginity to the crease between your best friends couch cushions on prom night. So day after day, ole boy kept on talking about the greatness he'd achieved while simultaneously keeping Long John Silvers afloat. Remember that inflated ego I mentioned earlier? It all seemingly stemmed from a laundry list of "Achievements" that was even less stellar than prom night. But this son of a bitch kept on chuggin, son. He never gave up! So one day he finally manages to dig up some type of "talent" and manages to beat an even less talented individual. Which honestly, it wasn't the victory that was impressive, it was the fact that he found someone less talented than himself. I never knew a person of that caliber existed. On a side note, if he'd just lift a fat roll, the smell of molding Cheetos and dried semen would probably force any opponent to call it quits.

But, I digress.

So now we have this obese Oscar The Grouch ogre running around flashing his brand new victory in everyone's face, and acting like he's God's gift.

Shameful.

Motherfuckers need to learn to stay in their lane.

And that's where I come in.

Plot twist: I was reciting your autobiography, Pete.

I figured I'd clarify in case the fat on your brain managed to cause you some comprehension problems.

You want my spot in The Kings™?

Come get it, bitch.

I'll gladly wipe the fuckin' floor with your fat ass, take your title, and continue my reign as Jester™.

The Essence Of Excellence specializes in laying waste to like you who talk a huge game.

I beat respect into motherrfuckers who have none, and I humble the masses.

The amount of fuckery I am about to rain down upon you will flood your world worse than Katrina flooded New Orleans.

Get ready, fuckstick.

Daddy's back.

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