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The Engineer · **07-16-2017, 03:47 PM**

Kick out. And boy does Madison look torn on this one.

Heeeeeey, buddy? I can tell you're one of our people for SURE! **urp**

She gives a little dry heave as she backs away.

You're a real salt of the Earth American, aren't ya Muddy? That's as sure as the day is long.

Her face stretches into a thin, plastered on veneer of a fake smile.

It's always great to meet up with real Americans like yourself. The accent? Fantastic! The wardrobe? Straight out off the yellow tag sale at the Goodwill! That blithe informationless confidence? You just bleed red, white and blue!

Now, I'm assuming you get Fox News at your trailer. If you don't, make sure you get some tin foil and point the bunny ears straight up. Because we need people like you Muddy Waters, yes you! We need your pluck, your Southern down home charms and most of all, your utter void of anything remotely resembling a solid connection to reality.

I need you to listen real careful and I know you probably hate it when us Northerners talk fast and use those big words like from the CNN, so I'll say all this as slowly and simply as I can. There should be a place near your trailer park, or at least near the PUBLIC park, where you reside called a "Republican Party Headquarters". Now, Headquarters is just a fancy word for "base" like a military base. Except the people inside fight with words, not guns, so don't bring your pappy's pea shooter, heh heh....

Even Madison looks like she hates herself.

Tell them you want to register "Repu"....ehhhh, just say "G-O-P." They'll give you a form to fill out but if you don't understand it, that's ok! Just put a mark where they tell you to mark and sign it. Can't sign your name? That's ok too! They can accept a filth stained thumb print as a signature.

Next, I need you to tell them you hate abortions! Now, I know growing up your mom, in a Jack and Coke fueled rage, might have said you should have been one. But it's still ok to hate them because abortions are dead baby's Muddy and nobody likes dead baby's, right?

She's not sure about this one.

They'll give you a sign and with dead baby parts on it and drive you to a place called Planned Parenthood. And at that point, you just do what you do best, channel that impotent confused rage at anyone who comes near you and be sure to keep your hands out of your pants. And that's it!

She pulls out a red Make America Great Again hat and puts it on Muddy's head.

Welcome to the party. God bless America and God Bless you.

She hurls in the nearest trash can.

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