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JimCaedus · (04-10-2017)

I half-heartedly KICK OUT, taking care not to hurt my buddy Cady-cat in the process. We both rise to our feet, Cadryn foaming at the mouth, advancing on me. The sad look in my eyes stops him in his tracks.

"You thought I was out cold...but I heard every word you said. You know...when basically the same crap and criticisms were coming from Cal Ypso, that was one thing. Coming from _you_ on the other hand..."

I shake my head sadly, staring down at the tiled floor before returning my gaze to meet his.

"You want this? Here. Take it. It's not worth losing a friend over."

I pick the Federweight Title off the ground and shove it to Cadryn's chest, releasing it from my grip. He catches it.

Then I nail him in the nose with a swift stiff headbutt. He drops the strap before I backpedal and charge, connecting with a Wrexus Plexus that propels him into the soda dispenser. Wasting no time I snatch him by the hair, pull him in, wrap my arms around his waist and belly to belly Cadryn onto the order counter. He winces and exhales, groaning in pain. I lay my right forearm across his throat with a choke and press hard, my visage contorted in rage.

"You greasy goddamn guido hack-and-a-half horse's ASS! All I wanted was three classic cheesy gordita crunch tacos with Baja sauce, a Dr. Pepper and an order of cinnamon twists but _nooooo_, I gotta suffer _your_ simple spaghetti-bendin' bada-bing-bada-bitchass buttfuckery!? Fuckin' flip-floppin' wop in a 10 gallon hat!

Oh we ain't friends, Cadryn? Specifically where the squashing of our differences in church pertain? Do these words sound familiar?

'Zirado managed to convince me to join him in church Sunday morning, and I’m glad I did. You and I managed to put our differences aside, and since that moment we’ve done nothing but become the best of friends.'

Quote Cadryn Tiberius, LL4 final round Manifest Destiny promo. You then continued by layin' into Boss Lane for making us fight. Now you voluntarily come at me with _this_? You manic-depressive dago dickhead, I should force your fuckin' face into the fryer and watch your legs twitch to the tune of the two-step Cowboy Crunchwrap, cocksucker.

'Where's (your) title' you ask? Which one, the Heavy Metal Weight strap you failed to retain or the Undisputed Television Championship I made you erase from your online sig after kicking your ass for the second time? Yeah, you _better_ have, you lil' pansy prick. You know goddamn well what's printed across your back:

Property of Jim Caedus. If found, put down. He's a bad dog.

Double-crossin' cur, who the FUCK do you think you are, judging me for having two titles and the 24/7 briefcase WHICH, by the way, you did NOTHING to prevent after abandoning Dolly in the Lottery final round! Where's your title? Where's your fuckin' _balls_, backstabber? Call yourself a man after leavin' a little lady to face two grown adult males on her own? Call me selfish after you spent the last three weeks jackin' off at home, hangin' your tag partner out to dry before decidin' to reappear demandin' gold like you've done anything to earn it? _I'm_ 'selfish'? I'm '_lazy_'? Stack o' cowpie four-flusher fuck-up, I fight for and EARN what I have. _Period_.

I 'have no talent'?

Cadryn said: 'You’ve overcome extensive odds to get to where you are, and for that I can do nothing but give you my respect. I’m not going to waste my time verbally bashing my friend. It’s uneccesary and let’s face it, he’s better at this than I am anyways. Nothing but love, Jimmy.'

'Buddy buddy' with the brass? No, they just like a hard working employee. Go fuck yourself you bipolar barnyard bitch."

I grab a fistful of Cadryn's shirt with my left hand, scoop beneath his legs with my right, flip him over off the counter and slam him front first to the floor. I then back up, point off into the distance and punt like a placekicker to the pooper. The customers and on-the-clock Taco Bell team members erupt with applause and I bow before signing titties and t-shirts on request.

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