NOTE: Okay. So this is now the NEW&IMPROVED 'Fair & Honest FeedBack thread, which I first created late last year after Archie made this--

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=6096 | "Harsh, honest feedback".

I felt inspired, I put the original thread together.....I was a complete and total d-bag, I fucked that up, I got beheaded, same ol' song an' dance.

Now, I am back. As is this thread. It is new and improved because someone might actually be willing to ask for feedback now....Here's the original opening post.--

(09-19-2013, 01:38 AM)raYne Said: In the past I have made threads for others' work, giving my opinion.

Alex, "Within You"
-- http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=6151

Eli, "The Invite"
-- http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=6411

Cam, "One Way Or Another"
-- http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=6375

I have been told repeatedly not to make threads devoted to others' work. So I'm not. Instead, I'm taking a cue from Archie "Not Bunker" Lawson, and making this thread. I'm usually intent on reading as many roleplays as possible here. So if I haven't read yours already... I will, and I'll let you know what I think. I've been fedding since approx. 2000, and writing is my number one passion. Hopefully, after I've proven myself through my writing... one or two of you will be interested in running a piece by me.

The post I made in the old thread upon my return here, but still nobody replied--

(06-02-2014, 10:43 AM)raYne Said: Back in business. Hoping that, now that I'm actually making an effort to change, some of you might be interested in a bit of feedback. I love reading as much as I do writing [and you all know how MUCH I love writing >< ] ...So, I would be more than happy to check out ANY work ya might have, and give you my CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.

And finally, the post I made because I fuckin' loved Mr. XWF's roleplay for his match on the 6/11/14 WarFare. It was my return to the fed, where he tagged w/me [I played Jack Hoff, but my main character is raYne/Reeve]--

Quote:http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=12756 | Badah-boom.

Okay, I remember last time, I was told not to make my own threads for other peoples' roleplays. But dude...I JUST read that shit, and oh my gawd I was BUSTING UP LAUGHING!! XD

Like I said, I am SO happy that my first match is Jack Hoff teamin' with you. I haven't brought Jack into a fed in a while, but I thought I'd do something fun before I get to the 'serious' stuff. And GAWD was that roleplay fun, it hi-jacked the computer, and I do NOT even know how ya did that. I was like... O___O

But it was JAWESOME, and it inspired me tah go ahead and put together my first piece. My first RP back in Exx-Dubbya-Eff, and my first RP as The Hoffster in a few years.

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=12815

Annnd...I went ahead and put together a lil sumpin' sumpin' --

X's RP even inspired me to give Jack a layout of his own. His roleplays from '08 had their own page on AngelFire, so I took that old style layout, brought it to XWF, and cranked it to 11, letting it Hi-Jack computers just like Good Ol' Mistah X-Dub.

Now.....Y'all take it from here. Hopefully ><

Can you tell me what you think of mine next? I am trying to figure out how to improve and do better and you seem more than willing to rate peoples work. I need you rayne...I need you badly!

REALLY?! O__O ......I was not expecting that. ^_^

Okay, well, it seems as if this time, I'm giving a better impression of myself [so far, fingers crossed]....So, maybe some people, such as yourself, would be interested in my feedback. It's an idea I borrowed from Arch last year, but nobody requested, cuz, well....I was a complete and total asshat >.<

But now, I'm doin' my best. Post the link to whatever piece you care to have my opinion on, not just this week, but any week. And have an abso-tively, poso-lutely, stellar-ifically, fantasmah-GLORIOUSLY, excellent day!! ^^

~$hane-o-mac 3ry

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=12056

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=12095

Look at all 3 of my rps vs frodo plz. (Should have rp 3 up later)

SUCK... MY... DICK!

3X Star of the Month
Former 3x Hart Champion
Former 13X Xtreme Champion
Former 6X Tag Champion
Former 2X Trios Champion
Former 2x Heavy Metal Weight Champion
Former Universal Champion

You got it dudes!! ^_^

Putting the finishing touches on my second piece right now, but I am SINCERELY glad that this thread is finally meeting some requests. Took nine months, but I'm slowly proving I can be different. I love reading others work. And Petey, as I've told you, I do enjoy yours. So this'll be a pleasure, no doubt...... BTW. I am STILL working on a certain segment. If there's still time for me to turn it in, you will dig it. Believe it. Warfare is gonna be.....Explosive ^^

~Reeve. Alexandra. Gordon.

Okay..........................












HO--


LEE


FUCK--


--ING



SHIT.




http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=12804







MIND=BLOWN


During the roleplay week, I tried to read it. I THOUGHT I did, cuz I looked at in FireFox, all I saw was the banner edit he had at the top, and the glowing sides, and the music, and I thought it was just a 'rick roll' of sorts and that he'd do the actual 'reveal' during a segment on the show....I am SO. fucking. glad, that I asked him about it on his profile, and that he PM'ed me the answer.....I have ad-blockers on FireFox. And other add-ons.

I checked it out on Internet Explorer.....and I repeat: Mind=BLOWN, Pretty Princey-style!! XD but SERIOUSLY, at first, I didn't know what to make of it. It was funny, as usual, but then the attack....And I was worried ><

but then......


Flatline....



......dude. I am now more interested in your character than I ever have been, and for me, that's sayin' a lot. You've always been one of my absolute faves here, but this idea is fucking EPIC. It's kinda like Supernova/Azrael, or raYne/Reeve, in that it's a transformation. And I LOVE that about this place, just like with Gilly's transformation....When a character undergoes an 'evolution'. Though, yours is different, in that it's a totally different guy, but the possibilities, the potential....they're astounding, and there are so many ways you could go with this. I'm sincerely intrigued, and if we are running with the idea we've spoken about via PM, then this only makes things all the more interesting.

I've JUST now been able to start checking out the roleplays, I'm doing so while I'm reading the show, match-by-match, and Petey, when I get to your match, I will read you and Frodo's. BTW....what did you think of the segment afterward? ^^ But yeah, the reason I'm JUST now finally freakin' getting caught up on everything is, as I told Paulie and Shane-o, I've been focusing on my health. Getting usd to eating, sleeping, taking my meds, and I know it sounds trivial...But for me, with how I've been, it's a bit of an undertaking. Which is why, though I HATE admitting this, I have to hold off on Reeve's in-ring return/debut. Old habits are extremely difficult to break, but I'm doin' it. But, I have come to a conclusion on how I can make up for a few things.....

I am going to offer feedback, through this thread, for all of the roleplays for WarFare this week. Or at least many of them, the ones that catch my attention. I know you're not all asking, but, I hope my constructive criticism/praise may be appreciated by a few of you. I'll update the thread title as I go along, and this will take a while, but I'm hoping for it to pay-off. If even one of you appreciates what I say, then I'll know it has. But, X....dude. It's awesome to work with you, you're one of the main reasons my return's been fun so far...hat's off to ya. Or, helmet's. :^P THANK YOU, ever so frickin' much, for working with me. And keep puttin' in work, brutha.

~$hane-o-mac Bry

Yo, I thought I'd dig this thread up from its grave so I could leave feedback for any RPs I find interesting or whatnot. First up;

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=22871 -- Peter F'n Gilmour, "Raise The Roof", 2-22-16

I know it's been a little bit since you posted this, Pete, but I had planned to read it and leave some feedback... FINALLY got around to doing so.


First off, I loved that Bloodhound Gang song, cuz I only ever heard 'Bad Touch' and it was really different from that cuz it had real instruments. Nice touch. Also, I love how good you are with details. I feel as if I'm a pretty good writer, but details have never been my strong suit. I just don't put effort into them like that, I kinda skip over them and get to the action, but you know how to set a scene and that's a pretty good skill to have. Props, dude. Another thing, you really portray Gilly as the classic asshole and you do it well bro. Finally, usually, I don't like a long string of talk without details interspersed, even though I used to do that back in the day, but you do it well enough that, even though you do have a lot of talk for a while, it doesn't get boring. You get people's interest, and that's why you always have a target on your back. They all know who has the spot when it comes to reaching the top level. You're slowly breaking through to Universal Title territory, and they all wanna steal a little bit of your shine. Keep kickin' ass and if there's any roleplays you'd like me to take a look at, post the links here. Peace, dude.

~R.F'n.G.

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=22960

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=20973

Ok, on the first--

I fuckin' loved the song and the humor of the roleplay. I was crackin' up and laughin' out loud, especially when he ate the orangutan brains. ^__^ Also, when his wife was like 'is this a metaphor for what you're going to do to your opponent?!', that was a classic line. :^)

"Shut up, I'm still fucking starving. I need people brains, not animal brains!"

And then the trash talk is great. That's one key thing I used to be wonderful at, but now I've been lacking for the past couple of years. But I can tell that stuff comes naturally to you when I have to kinda strain to do it.

"LeStrange, your mother isn't worth the fucking boner. Your mother isn't worth the double dose of Viagra needed to get the fucking boner. Your mother isn't worth the trip to Mexico to get the double dose of Viagra needed to get the fucking boner. Your mother isn't worth my penis or it's time. Your mother isn't worth a dog's dick. Your mother isn't worth Peter Gilmour's dick. Your mother is worthless, because your mother produced you, and you're just a waste of her fucking vaginal fluids. The greatest crime in history was someone busting a nut inside your mom's honey box. The second greatest crime was when her fucking water broke."

That's just good shit, I don't care who ya are. Even LeStrange would have to admit that, that's a golden rant right there.

Anyway, then the Vanessa Gibbon angle was stupendous and that made the whole thing, it was like the finishing touch. Rebel Star may not have balls, or she might, who knows, but even she would have to admit that was a stellar promo.


I'M A FUCKING ZOMBIE I EAT BRAINS


BTW, I probably shoulda got some sleep last night, but onto the second one--

The second one was as long as one by me. A lot of people would skip through but I read all of it.

You have a nice assortment of sub-characters, and each has their own personality. I like the monkey. Who doesn't really talk... but yeah. There's like, literally nothing bad I can say about either of these cuz they're perfectly written. Also, Ozy showing up in the 2nd was a nice, unexpected touch. And the serious side of Rob showing through when he spoke with Oz was magnificent, showing his ripped emotions from losing his home/dojo, but mixed with some humor, I've loved this character sinceI first came back after a while of being gone, I knew I wanted to read your work and perhaps work with you. You're a great writer and this is great writing.

And I loved where they all backed up Robbie on his mission to save the world. And TJ Wallace. Cuz TJ Wallace makes everything just that much better. ^.^

The promo on Game Girl kinda didn't quite connect for a bit, but then it did, and when it did, it was awesome. I could see that American flag flapping behind him as he stood tall and told the story of a simple man fighting for the people.


I BELIEVE IN ROBBIE BOURBON!!!

John, your latest has shown me you've come a long way since we were both here in 2K13, back when I replied to your request for feedback. I know I always like some opinons, so here's mine for you. You've put effort into telling a story, and I'm lovin' it and looking forward to seeing where it goes. Only criticism I have is that perhaps you could put more trash talk / focus on your opponent, but you're doing well. Good luck against KK and LeStrange.