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Chris Page · (06-18-2020)

Humanizing Chris Page: Chapter 1
Narrated by Chris Page

I want you all to get a little cozy because I'm about to tell you a story about the man behind the face you see dominating the XWF each and every time I step foot inside that squared circle. Now would be the time to grab a soda or an adult beverage of choice; perhaps pack a bowl, light a joint and enjoy the trip you’re about to go on because this is uncharted territory, my friends. Are you settled in because we’re about to embark and upon our completion, I guarantee for those that continue to harp on the song and dance and rely on the same lame insults prove how unintelligent you are making them… and for some of you, there’s no justification for your mindlessness.

We all know my credentials, right? I mean I have spoken on them but never at length; so for the sake of being “repetitive” let’s make them known here and now so we’re all clear and as I move forward you have a legitimate point of reference so that in the future when you attempt to come at me you can at least have some established facts and not the mere delusions that dance through your heads when you think Chris Page. I am a seventeen-time World Heavyweight Champion and if you weed out seven of those reigns I stand before you a ten-time World Heavyweight Champion including the XWF’s. I stand before you with Two Hall of Fame inductions and an XWF Hall of Legends induction spending less time in this company than any other inductee. I stand before you a man that has been in the ring with names like Ranma Saotome, James Raven, T-Money, Big Shank for all you old school XWF marks, and outside the XWF there’s MDK, there’s Paul Frost, Tristan Slater to even you… Shawn. I’ve shared the ring with unparalleled athletes. The very best in this profession and I’ve vanquished them all…excluding you, Shawn.

I’m a second-generation professional wrestling out of Detroit, Michigan trained by the Original Sheik and I’m the man that has been doing this for nearly thirty years… and is STILL consequential anytime my name appears on a marquee.

A brief overview, safe to say?

But how did I get here? That’s the million-dollar inquiry because one would think being a second-generation superstar whose father was a territory superstar it would be obvious… and it probably would have been if I took the family name, but that’s not how I wanted my profession to be defined. I didn’t want to live in a shadow, I wanted to cast it. It took me nearly six years of making towns before I caught my first break. It was in those six years of honing my craft, living out of my car, eating sliced bread and potatoes and making no real money that I humbled myself. I reconstructed myself by becoming a “student of the game” as the cool kids say and while some of you were sucking on your mother's tit, I was working harder than anybody in the business just to catch that one break.

It happened.

It didn’t materialize in the United States, it transpired in a London based promotion when a guy by the name of Donnie Peele gave me the opportunity to try and do what nobody else could do… save a drowning federation. Sound familiar Shawn? Sound familiar Robert? It should because that’s the inconvenience that comes with carrying any Championship, and while it’s unambiguous to step back and talk shit about lack of talent stepping up to the plate but when you are the Champion you yearn for someone to step up that isn’t Chris Chaos or Hanari Carnes.

Here I stand, Shawn.

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[Image: wairc71mkefd3wrl_1588242090.jpeg?tr=w-812,h-464]

Back to my story.

While most gazed and laughed, while they said there’s no way this kid is going unshackle us that youngster looked at it as an opportunity. I took that ball and I ran as hard as I could and racked up successful defenses… If you stood on the sidelines barking, I walked up and slapped you the mouth begging you to fucking bite. Did I save the federation? Nope, but I took the golden opportunity that was presented to me and used it to catapult myself into the mainstream of up and coming stars that ended up establishing the business into what it’s become today. You’re welcome.

Without London and the Syndicate Wrestling Federation, there wouldn’t have been a Chris Page that you all love to downgrade, downplay and disrespect on a daily basis. SPW opened the door for the first run with a company I would end up owning years later, the WGWF. Signing a short-term deal with the WGWF introduced me to Adam Barker, a man that I still share a brotherhood with to this day… and while it was an undeveloped run it would end up being the run that marshaled grander things. I bounced around a little garnering success where ever I wrestled before making my first appearance in this shithole. Much like my recent tenure I was brought in and sent straight to the top being put up against, whom? No, seriously… Take a guess. I don’t anticipate you all to know because you all fall in the same line as Shawn when it comes to knowing what the fuck you’re talking about when my name is attached to your sentence… But for those who guess Fuzz, you’re correct. I was lured in by Jon Brown with promises of a run on top, a position that you held as the reigning XWF World Heavyweight Champion. Yes, Shawn, I know you remember vividly as you crammed it down my throat as recently as March Madness. So now that you’ve told your story I’m going to tell mine. Give you all a little “behind the scenes” tea that the ones that know, know and the ones that don’t, don’t. The deal I brokered with Jon involved you dropping the belt to me which is exactly what should have happened, but you know, the XWF isn’t known as the fairest federation to compete in… The day of the show he flipped the script, instead of walking out and leaving the match high and dry, I did business… and then I left.

I can give two shits if you choose to believe it or not but the facts are the facts.

I circled back around to the WGWF where I dominated and ended the undefeated streak of another Hall of Legends member Famine of the Vile.

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[Image: 53e90d836738a.preview-620.jpg?resize=601%2C630]

I officially arrived.

… and I arrived when I didn’t call the shots unlike what Shawn would love for you all to believe.

If you ask Shawn I was only flourishing because I signed the checks. New Flash you fucking knucklehead, I tasted four of my seven WGWF World Title runs when my name wasn’t on the bank accounts. So please, enlighten me as to how I can only be who I am within the WGWF because I owned it when I didn’t buy it out until 2009? And to take it a step further I didn’t wear that title for another three years after I purchased controlling interest. So again, if I was “that guy” that pushed himself to the moon why the fuck would I wait three years to put the belt on me? Do you see how your deluded logic simply doesn’t add up? See kids, this is what happens when you open your mouth and try and sound all “hip and cool” spouting out any and everything in a feeble attempt to save face.

And before you say you didn’t say any of this redirect back to when you squandered the Tag Titles to Robert and me. If anyone blew a load it was you, sir.

For ten years I ran that federation with a who’s who of talent that worked for me up and including you, Shawn.

Yes, you wrestled under a mask for a few months and you would have said because you were embarrassed to be involved with my federation… and this right here is another one of those shake my head moments with the level of bullshit that escapes the tip of your tongue… If you were that humiliated then WHY THE FUCK DID YOU WILLINGLY UNMASK and show the world that you were on board? Take it a step further why compete for another eight months without the mask for someone that is that mortifying to be affiliated with? Simply put Shawn, you weren’t then and you’re not now. I’ll never comprehend why guys like you or guys like Centurion put up this extravagant front when it comes to dealing with me when we’ve made lots of money together over the years and you above anyone else should realize that. It literally baffles my mind to hear you regurgitate everything that you’ve chucked in my direction when you should be spewing it at the reflection you see in the goddamn mirror.

…. To be continued

Words from the Stoned One:

” Nobody can fully comprehend just how long I’ve been waiting for this one encounter with you, Shawn.” The scene opens with a shot of Chris Page leaning back against a brick wall in an unknown location. He’s dressed in a pair of jeans with a white t-shirt, not masked, hair pulled back in a ponytail with his hands in his pockets. ” There’s no Robert Main, there are no masks, there are no gimmicks… It’s just you and I… And you’re about to find out you’ve bitten off a lot more than you can fucking chew.” There’s a sly smirk from Chris as he continues. ” Shawn, how does it feel knowing right here and now right off jump street you’ve got absolutely NOTHING in the tank to throw at me because you blew your load back in March when I took the Tag Titles away from you and that bitch you call a son, so please I’m begging you to prove me wrong by coming at me with something different or else that tape deck is ready to call you on being the repetitive son of a bitch you are, while I on other hand haven’t scratched the surface with my views and opinions on the king of politics and the lamest puppet master I’ve ever laid eyes on.” Chris pulls his hands from his back pocket where he reaches into the back pocket of his jeans pulling out a square tin. He opens it and retrieving a pre-rolled joint before closing the tin and placing it back in his pocket.

” That’s right ladies and gentleman I’ll call it now and I’ll exploit it later to further drive the final nail in your coffin. So, let’s go ahead and start from the top and go back and talk about March Madness and how while you failed at retaining the Xtreme and Tag Titles you cashed in a briefcase because that takes talent, and left with the Universal Championship while trying to convince the world you were going to retire, but in order to pull it off you shed you stage name for your real name.” Chris rolls his eyes as he places the pre-rolled behind his right ear and lightly gives Shawn a “golf clap” as he continues. ” I’m sure that “clever” play saw you bamboozled some people, but not I. Not only did I call your bullshit I called your cash in before anyone else saw it coming. Why is this significant and worth discussing, you ask? Because it plays into how substandard you really are. You see yourself as this mastermind that devised this monolithic plan only to be the predictable Fuzz, we all know. Shawn that’s precisely what you are, presumptuous.” Chris yawns before spouting out. ”… And uninteresting, uninspiring, unstimulating.” Chris removes the joint from behind his ear placing one end between his cherry red lips. He strikes a lighter pulled from his front pocket lighting the exposed tip before taking several quick pulls to light the joint up.

” You’ve already gone the “overrated”, “gay” and “washed up” routes that lead you to catastrophe like it’s lead everyone else; so, what did you do next Shawn? You went with the “nobody cares about you” route; which, and I mean this in the nicest possible way… Tell me were you BORN this unintelligent or is it a gift? No, don’t answer… Let me guess… A combination of both. How the fuck can you above all people stand and say nobody cares about me when at War Games EVERYONE had something to say or gave me their undivided attention in some form or fashion? Yet nobody cares? Wow, bro, I didn’t think we emaciated precious air time on those that aren’t worth it. Maybe I’m inaccurate, again.” Chris takes a toke on the joint as he inhales, he draws it away from his lips. He blows a few smoke rings before moving on. ” Let’s talk about the underachiever you’ve become sitting on top of the mountain as the Universal Champion.” Chris winks at the camera as he then states. ” For a sideline hoe that threw stones you’ve now found yourself standing in a glasshouse, helpless as I stand on your front lawn with stones in hand because since you’ve become Champion you’ve done nothing or overcome no one. The very same way you've been vocal with others in the past, and the truth of the matter is you call yourself wanting a piece of us, you NEED us.” Chris takes another long toke off the joint as he places it to his lips. He draws it away inhaling deeply before blowing small smoke rings.

” You scoff at that declaration but you and I both know it’s legitimate just like Robert and I know that we’re the only two people that are a threat to taking away that piece of gold and thumping you back down the card where Twitter fingers like you truly belong…. And while I know that between Rob and me he’s undoubtedly has got more claim to challenge you for that piece of gold he’s already demonstrated that you’re just not capable of getting the job done.” There’s a brief pause from Chris before he continues. ” He can take it at any point, you know it…” Chris takes another toke from his joint. ” The sigh of relief knowing you’re marked “safe” from Main has got to give you some reassurance because neither of us is wasting our time to lend you credibility in the realm of defending the title against us.”

” So your endeavor to make us pick and choose backfired as usual. You solemnly thought I’d allow personal gluttony to take center stage over a preponderant picture, fucking amateur. One day you’re going to wake up and realize you’re not as marvelous a puppet master as you think you are because the fact that you thwarted to see we’ve led you the entire way dating back to March Madness.” There’s a sly smirk that makes his way across the face of Chris as he continues. ” Remember how you and that bitch daughter of yours refused our challenges to put the belts up? Remember how you said we hadn’t earned it or didn’t deserve it? Remember making excuse after excuse not to be champions? And here you are now, the XWF Universal Champion… A guy that should be taking on ALL comers in order to continue to show the locker room and the world that he is the top guy in the federation poses that if I take a title shot Robert loses one or if don’t take it Robert has one.” Chris lets out a deep sigh before simply shaking his head before he states. ” This is your champion, refusing to take challenges from legitimate challengers because he knows he’s a dead man walking and he’s a fucking coward.” Chris pauses for several seconds as he gazes into the lens of the camera. ” Shawn, you’re not you. Where’s the brash, overconfident attention whore that tries to convince the world he’s unprecedented… When he’s not man enough now to call his shot. What you should have done was willingly put your title up, told us you’d clobber me and then go on and gut Main too! That’s what a champion would have done, but not Shawn… Never have been… Never will be. There’s more to it than just “holding” on to a piece of gold, the title doesn’t make the man the man makes the title and this run as Universal Champion has been all sizzle and no fucking steak.” Chris takes a seat on the sidewalk and leans back against the brick wall behind him. ” Shawn you have no fucking clue what’s about to stand before you in THE Most famous arena in the world, a place I’ve Main Evented more times than I can to count and now I’m on the cusp of doing it again in what will be perhaps the biggest match of 2020 for me. I am not coming to Madison Square Garden to surrender… I’m coming to shame you and disgrace you and humble you while showing you and the rest of this fucking company that the only overvalued talents on this roster are the ones casting stones!” There’s a final pause from Chris before he continues.

” I hope you’re ready to eat more crow because with this being a Thirty Minute Iron Man Match it’s not a question of am, I going to pummel you… It’s a question of how many fucking times do I want to hammer you. Welcome to your third slice of humble pie!” … to be continued.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Humanizing Chris Page: Chapter One
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