the following Announcement
Has been paid for by the Leaders and sponsors of

XWF cameras show up inside the pressroom of the WarRoom Arena, the location of the hottest Show on TV Warzone. In the back of the room many fans have gathered with the front of the room being occupied by all different types of press sitting in folding chairs. The official press conference has already taken place for the Xtreme Title Match, but Troy Turner has set up this one exclusively. As the press makes small talk and the fans wait anxiously Kanye’s “Power” is played as Troy Turner comes through double doors wearing blue jeans and a black ER design shirt and black sunglasses. The small gathering of the fans in the back of the room start cheering as Troy points to them while flashing his smile. Troy walks towards a table where a microphone has already been set up. Troy takes a seat.

{Troy Turner}
I’d like to thank all of you guys for joining me at this press conference in such short notice. I’ve invited all of you to the stadium to make an announcement. After I make that statement, I’ll let you guys ask some questions and then we can eat… I’ve purchased lunch for everybody in the dining room. Sounds good? Fantastic.

To your left are three executives from the Guinness World Records. I have flown them in first class in order to be here for my announcement. The timing could not have been more perfect with our match a day away. You see ladies and gentleman a few months ago something amazing happened. It was remarkable and yet, almost everybody who watches the XWF failed to appreciate its true significance… it was actually a world record. Even though he didnt know, I indeed was watching. I was watching and after witnessing what I thought to be a very rare occurrence I got together with the fine people at Guinness… did some research, and came up with a new world record that I am proud to publicize today.

The press begins to talk amongst themselves wondering what could have happened in the XWF to garner a world record. Troy Turner takes off his sunglasses and places them on the table.

{Troy Turner}
Well this is it. Since nobody else was paid attention, shocking since it has to do with Mike Harrison… BUT…For the first time in the history of this planet, Mike had sex… with a woman. A WOMAN!!!! I almost fell off my fucking chair just saying it.Shocking as that is, it’s true… it’s damn true! And I am proud to announce, that Aj Lee is now in the Guinness World Record Books as the First and ONLY woman to have sex with Mike Harrison!!!
And to celebrate this momentous occasion, Aj Lee get yo stank ass out here!!

Amy Winehouse’s “Rehab” is played as a coked out Aj Lee look-a-like stumbles her way through the doors and takes a seat next to Troy Turner. Troy goes to give her a hug, but thinks better of it and keeps his distance

{Troy Turner}
Congratulations AJ. No, not for smelling like a dumpster full of used condoms and having Mike’s beard in your panties, Congratulations for setting a World Record that I doubt will ever be broken. You see AJ by making that questionable and daring decision of sleeping with Mike Harrison… you have made it in Guinness. How does that feel?

{AJ Lee}
Can I have $20? Please? I’ll suck yo…

{Troy Turner}
Isn’t she charming folks? I wonder if Mike brought her home to meet Mommy and Daddy. So AJ, the question on everybody’s mind… why? Why the fuck would you do such a thing? Why? Why the fuck?

{AJ Lee}
I don’t know man. I was hired to have sex with some guy named Angeliss, but out of nowhere Mike started crying and complaining that he wanted to. Whatever, I just needed cash.

{Troy Turner}
So Mike was bitching and complaining about something, say it ain’t so. But…Anj was going to screw you I’m assuming?

{AJ Lee}
Yeah I guess. I always do all the work and Anj does nothing. What the hell is this world about.

{Troy Turner}
Well AJ that really doesn’t make much sense, but if it makes you feel better your promoting Warfare more in this small cameo than Anj has done in weeks. But I have to ask AJ, what was it like? You know, making sweet love to Mike. Did he have on his Speedo’s during? Maybe cut a little hole in them?

{AJ Lee}
It was a little awkward. I mean he kept asking me where do things go, and if he was doing stuff right. He was clueless. He didn’t know my belly button from my ass ho…

{Troy Turner}
HOLY shit lets try and keep this somewhat clean. I got a young fan base you know, those lil MFers count on me. So The Lying Heart didn’t really know his way around. That doesn’t surprise me. You aren’t 6’8 and 275lbs of pure man muscle. There has been heavy suspicion that Mike is indeed a homosexual. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Can you either confirm or deny this?

{AJ Lee}
I mean, he seemed more interested in my nails not being done and my roots coming through in my hair. Those things are expensive Troy.

{Troy Turner}
Well that says plenty AJ. The fact that you probably had a Rolex and a bottle opener in you, are missing some teeth, and your breath has the smell of meth sperm and bleach, the fact that he was more concerned over your nails and hair is indeed alarming. But you did confirm Mike Harrison having sex with a woman. I can guarantee nobody believed it at the time and even though you were supposed to be raped by Angelus… you made Mike a real man. Something that nobody else in the world could have possibly done. I congratulate you, admire you, and frankly love you. Now get your crusty ass out of my press conference.

The fake AJ Lee smiles to the press before giving Turner a kiss on the cheek and exiting. Troy freaks out and screams for Jeeves to bring him a fresh wipe for his face. As Jeeves wipes down his cheek a reporter asks a question.

{Reporter #1}
Troy Turner have you yourself ever been involved with this so called AJ Lee woman?

{Troy Turner}
Define involved.

{Reporter #1}
Have you had sex with Ms. Lee.

{Troy Turner}
Umm…Define sex.

{Reporter #1}
Uhh, did you penetrate her vagina with your penis?

{Troy Turner}
Define my penis. You know what next question you sick pervert.

Jeeves brings over Turner’s pimp cup and some sprite. Troy pours the Sprite in before taking another question.

{Report #2}
Troy what is in your pimp cup besides Sprite?

{Troy Turner}
Whey protein. Listen doesn’t anybody have a question about Mike Harrison? We just found out he’s not as big of a fucking as originally thought. That’s fucking huge news.

{Reporter #2}
Troy in Mike’s more recent promo he tried say you where mocking him and in turn mocking yourself. Your thoughts?

{Troy Turner}
My thoughts are… well Mike is . I don’t just “hate” the guy but I mean what the fuck; I mock him by talking about our feud? What the fuck am I supposed to talk about Tiger Woods’ golf game? Mike really thinks it’s original to talk about the two wrestler’s history leading into a match blah blah im good at this I’ll beat you at that, what is this, Entertainment? Mike has his head so far up his own ass I’m amazed there is room for Anj’s cock in it. I may have an ego, but I would have got picked for this match even if I didn’t win PoopChaser. Guys ridiculous. Mike talks about his first promo as some classic because he outlined the history of me dominating the fucking company while he was stuck in mediocrity. That is classic, but for me asshole not you.

I’m not mocking you Mike but you seem to be copying yourself by cutting the same promos one after another. You see this is a MFTT event. We know your message already, but you gotta dress it up a bit… you know… be entertaining. Or maybe you don’t know.

{Reporter #3}
Troy do you realize there has been a drinking game developed because of you? The rules are every time you slam Mike Harrison to the mat you must take a shot. Seems popular. But my question is…Troy where do you consider Mike in the XWF. Is he a main eventer? Is he World Title material?

{Troy Turner}
Like I previously stated, I don’t hate Mikey. I hate his mouth even though so many men love it, drink up! No matter how much we’ve ripped into each other this week boys, obviously this is one of the most anticipated matchs in the history of the XWF for a reason. Mike is a main eventer, so is Angelus and in my opinion he’s probably a great X Champion. My only point in this entire thing is that I’m simply better. Mike doesn’t suck, he’s very successful. He’s just not Troy Turner. He knows it deep down, I just have to beat him so he admits it and finally shuts the fuck up.

Troy Turner takes a drink from his pimp cup before continuing.

{Troy Turner}
I have fun with all the gay jokes, but I know exactly what I’m walking into at Warfare. This Sunday I know I’m walking into the ring with an opponent who will refuse to lose. I’m going to square off against an elite wrestler who feels this is the biggest moment in his professional career and will do anything to win. Finally all eyes are on Angelus, and that is thanks to me. He needs to realize that, and this Wednesday that’s what I’m going to do. I’m not going to embarrass him and I’m not going to easily walk over him. But what I am going to do is finally prove to him that no matter how great he is, I’m still a step ahead and a level above both them…MFTT is #1, Mike you didn’t qualify. It’s the way it’s been, and this Wednesday it’s the way it’s going to remain. Watcha gonna do Angelus, when MFTT keeps you… at #2. Bitch.

With that Troy Turner stands up, pauses for to take a few pictures and exits the conference room with the small gathering of fans chanting Turner.