THE PAST…(?)

JC: My God! MY GOD!

JR: This… this is the most sickening display of ultra-violence in the ring I’ve ever seen! I… Someone has to do something about this! THREE MEN ARE DEAD!

Laying in the center of the ring, blood rapidly pooling under his skull… a steel folding chair wrapped around his throat that has torn its flesh, effectively garroting him…

GERALD “YKW’S LONG-TIME PARTNER” COSGROVE

Lying through the debris and wreckage of three burning tables outside the ring, his corpse literally on fire and nearly unrecognizable…

LELAND “YKW’S MENTOR WHO WAS TWO DAYS FROM RETIREMENT” PENNYWORTH

And, having been propelled from the top of the X-Tron, crashing into the electronic production box, with tens of thousands of volts running through his blackened, smoking form…

ANDRE “YKW’S BROTHER THAT, TO THIS DAY, YKW DOESN’T REALIZE IS HIS BROTHER” SMITH!

At the base of the ramp, some guy…

Some Guy?

Yeah, that one.

YKW collapses to his knees, burying his head in his hands…

”NO… NO…”

He turns upward to the sky, facing God herself, as if to demand how she could this happen…

”HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW?!?!!”

Tasteful cross-fade to…

---

THE PRESENT

YKW inhales bitterly.

”And that’s pretty much exactly how El Landerson, Razor Blade, and the Hixx Sisters killed my closest friends and long-time wrestling partners…”

”Now? I come to you… With my hat in my hands… Oh, hold on.”

YKW reaches into his pocket to retrieve a bowler hat…

”I come to you… With my hat in my hands… Begging for your help…”

The camera pans around revealing…

CAPTAIN MOTHERFUCKING FUTUUUUUUUUUUURE!

”I figured… What better man to change the past, and help prevent the death of three decent men… Than Captain Future himself!”

…Captain Future tilts his head to the side curiously .

”...Wait, what better man? What the fuck would I do to help you bring men back from the dead? I’m not Dick fucking Powers!”

…YKW tilts his head the opposite direction, equally curiously.

”...Wait. But, you’re Captain Future. Can’t you… like… time travel? Aren’t you from the Future!”

CF rolls his eyes.

”I can SEE into the Future, you Philistine! I can’t travel into the past! For that you would need Commodore Past or FILGOR the Time-Travelling Caveman, but they stuck on a perilous mission organising A BRIDAL SHOWER!”

Captain Future curls his fist and looks off in disgust. TKW scratches his temple

”...Really? You can’t?”

Future looks back realising that… That guy was still here.

”I can’t even SEE into the past! I can only see into the FUTUUUUUUUURE!”

…YKW’s head tilts even further to the side, even more curiously.

”Wait, what do you mean ‘you can’t see into the past’... Like you can’t see into ancient times? Like… you can remember yesterday, right?”

”I CAN’T REMEMBER HOW THIS CONVERSATION STARTED.” Future rebukes YKW exasperatedly. ”Because it started IN THE PAST. And I can’t see what happened in the past!”

…YKW’s head is upside-down now, having tilted a full 180 degrees out of curiosity. He’s lying on the table between him and CF, looking up.

”So… like… functionally, you don’t have a memory?”

”I remember THE FUTUUUUUUURE!” Future dismisses YKW’s inaccurate statement with a wave of his hand. ”I remember everything that will ever happen! But I don’t remember what came before it.”

”...So, wait.” YKW rolls slightly back to 135 degrees of curiosity. ”If you only remember the future, but not the past, how do you remember… like… people, and names, and dates? Or like what wrestling moves you know?”

”Most things I remember because I’ll do them again in THE FUTURE!”

…After a beat, Future begrudgingly opens his silky velour FUTURE VEST, revealing many notes in spacepie (Space Sharpie) along his body…

”Other things I write on my body so I won’t forget them when they disappear into the past. Kinda like the movie Memento.”

”Wait…” …YKW rolls the other way, now 248 degrees of curious. ”So you can’t remember the past, but you remember the movie Memento?”

”BECAUSE I PLAN ON SEEING THE MOVIE MEMENTO! IN THE FUTURE! THEREFORE I REMEMBER IT!”

…

YKW does two full rotations on the table, 735 degrees more curious now. ”...So…”

”We don’t have time! Do you really want to go back into the past and save your friends from being murdered by Landerson, Blade, and the Hixxes? Are you a bad enough dude to warp time itself?”

”Y’ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION!”

…Future nods knowingly, having seen YKW in action… In the Future!

”Then we need someone with the know-how to build a time machine…”

Future rubs his hands together.

”And I know just the guy…”

---

ELON MUSK’S OFFICE

YKW and CF sit at a desk…

And behind the desk, a chair is spun around…

”So… you come to me, ELON MUSK… asking me to open you a path to the future…”

…

The chair spins around.

…It’s not Elon.

It’s Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing, wearing a hairpiece to look like Elon Musk.

”What you haven’t answered is… Why should I help y-”

”Lionel, you can’t play ‘Elon’.”

”Oh, c’mon!” Lionel sneers, throwing his hairpiece down onto the desk. ”Why can’t I!?! I studied at Juliard!”

…”In their mathematics department…”

”I was BORRRRRRRN to play Elon Musk!”

”...More so than… him?”

The chair beside Sir Lionel spins around…

Revealing…

Elon the Musk! Accompanied by Salacious Grok, C3P.O.S and an unfortunate intern!