[PLAY]

[Chris is seen on his laptop looking up some matches from WCW, mostly the ones that involve Arn Anderson and Diamond Dallas Page. He looks rather upset about what happened with Dustin just an hour earlier. In case you haven't seen that promo or don't want to, he pretended to go to the liquor store for a quick beer run for Chris' mother as some kind of joke that Chris didn't find funny. At the moment, he's intensely focused on the matches he's watching. So much so that everything, including the camcorder Dustin's using to film him, might as well be a blurry mess. Knowing that he's doing this on purpose, Dustin knocks on the already open door to try and get his attention. It doesn't work. Not liking how Chris' deliberately ignoring him, he invites himself without his friend's consent.]

Dustin: You can't keep ignoring me forever, dude. You'll have to speak me sometime.

[Chris suddenly jumps and pauses the match, as if he was almost caught looking at porn. He darts his head left and right to make sure someone didn't barge in his room when he wasn't expecting it. He obviously sees Dustin, but he acts like he doesn't exist. He shrugs it off and plays the video once more. Dustin looks exasperated and can't believe that he's still carrying on with this act.]

Dustin: I get it dude. What I did wasn't cool and you're getting me back in a way that's just as stupid. You can stop this shit now.

[He gets no response from Chris. Dustin is in complete disbelief right now.]

Dustin: Come on, Chris, quit fucking around!

Christopher: Not until you follow your own advice, bud.

Dustin: What are ya talking about, brah?

[Christopher pauses the video and swivels around in that cheap little office chair of his.]

Christopher: I'm talking about you and how everything has to be a fucking joke. You say that it wasn't cool now, but what would happen if I was shot in the head tomorrow, would you try to pass that off as black comedy?

Dustin: Brah, I never take shit that far.

Christopher: Well you sure as fuck tried to test the line with that! Even if my mother is a drunken gorgon of a woman, she's still my mother! I'm putting her through forced withdraw while the neighbors look after her and make sure she doesn't try to sneak out, and if you think you can get away with bullshit like that, then you have another thing coming!

[Dustin seems somewhat intimidated by Chris' sudden outburst. He takes a couple of steps away from him and sits on the bed to recollect his thoughts. Chris, noticing Dustin's reaction, eases up a little and walks out of the guest room, leaving his friend alone to gather his thoughts.]

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[Christopher emerges through the door with two Pepsis in his hands. He sets one on the square stool resting just beside the only bed in the room for Dustin to grab. He opens his own can first and takes a giant gulp of it, barely letting the carbonation settle on his tongue as it goes down his throat. He looks over to Dustin after drinking from his can to see if he's drinking it or not. Dustin has opened his can by the time Chris has looked over to his friend, but he hasn't started drinking out of it yet, as if he's not in the mood.]

Christopher: Ya kidding me, bruh? You open up your can and you don't drink out of it? Who are you and when did you develop a taste for flat soda?

[Dustin says nothing, thinking that his friend might snap at him again if he tried to retaliate. Chris shakes his head and sets the Pepsi between his legs.]

Christopher: Dude, you're allowed to joke now. I'm just saying to avoid joking about my mother, even if she's a deplorable human being thanks to all the beers she's downed.

[Dustin looks over at Chris, eyebrow arched in a questioning manner.]

Dustin: Even the time I was arrested for driving drunk with a suspended license?

Christopher: I thought you were over that already?

Dustin: Not really. That was the car crash that paralyzed my girlfriend.

[Christopher breathes through his teeth after hearing his friend say that.]

Christopher: I shouldn't have called her Stephanie Hawkette then.

Dustin: Huh?

Christopher: Nothing, dude. Just drink your Pep.

[Shrugging off whatever Chris just said, Dustin takes a sip out of his can and keeps silent for a little while. Suddenly, his friend throws his arms up and keeps them there, as if he's waiting for him to do something. Dustin chuckles and looks at Chris with amusement.]

Dustin: Well if you told me you swung that way-

Christopher: Knock that shit off, dude! I'm just inviting you for a quick hug, see?

[Dustin thinks this over for a little bit.]

Dustin: Oh what the hell.

[Dustin and Chris sidehug for a quick second before picking up their cans and resuming to drink.]

[STOP]

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[REC]

Christopher: Hey everyone! What's fat, stupid, and is bitching about how I beat him on Wednesday? If you don't know, you either haven't seen the show or you're in denial, and that's okay. The only reason I bring him up is 'cause I know that he'll be after me ever since I thwarted him and his friend's attempt at beating me and DMX black and blue. Well here's a message for you two on this upcoming supershow. I know you guys are out for my blood. I know you two dumbasses have declared war on me after I did everyone in that arena a favor and put you down. But guess what? That shit won't work on me.

You've blown the bugle and given yourselves away. I'll be ready for whatever you guys have for me. And when you guys fail...again...Dustin and I will be ready to humiliate you like the dopes you are.

[Chris then chuckles to himself, confirming that, yes, he's ready for whatever those two have to offer.]

Christopher: Now enough about those two, let's talk about my opponent for the first of July. Robbie Bourbon over here is just as fat as Pete, but the only difference is...um...all the tiger shit he wears, I guess. Oh, and he isn't talking about his dick and how he wants people to suck it. That's a plus, right Dustin?

Dustin: Not really, brah.

Christopher: Yeah, it's not. It's hard to look like Shere Khan while being as fat as Garfield. Lay off the lasagnas, brah. Your new muscles will thank you. Oh, and I love how he lies to his mother about winning cleanly. Play the tape Dustin, and show them just what he considers clean.

Dustin: Sure thing, brah.

[Dustin pulls out his phone and loads up Wednesday's event. He skips over a good chunk of it before getting to the match between Robbie Bourbon and Abaddon.]

Quote:Bourbon goes for a cover, and the referee dives to make the count. As he's diving, we see Bourbon actually place Abaddon's foot on the bottom rope.

BOBBY HEENAN: Come on, Robbie, you're cheating in the opposite direction right now!

JIM ROSS: I don't know, Brain, he seems to have a plan...




1...










2...










3! WAIT! The referee sees the foot on the ropes and waves off the pin. Robbie stands up and starts to throw a fit, pointing at Lilith.

BOURBON: It was her! She put his foot on the damn rope!

Christopher: Yeah, that's about as clean as a car window being slathered in bird shit.

Dustin: Should I load his trash, brah?

Christopher: Only if you're up to listening to me call him out on some of the bullshit he and some cast members of a TV show I've never heard of said.

Dustin: I'll take that as a yes then.

[He then loads up Robbie's first promo for the show. He skips the bit where he's talking to his mother about taking some kid to a zoo.]

Tiger Mask VI Said:Christopher Isles. No, he's actually not a complete sociopath like most of the bozos I've met around here so far.

Christopher: Thanks, I guess. I mean, most of the wrestlers and champions here are bat shit insane either because of the shit they've seen or long before that. Then again, not everyone in this fed is insane. They're more or less assholes that never stop calling each other , , or something painfully obvious. Oh wait, that just described all of us. My bad, carry on.

[It seems to take a little bit before Dustin can find anything remotely negative that involves the duo. While skipping around the video, Dustin looks up at his friend, visibly impatient.]

Dustin: There's a whole lot of nothing going on in this video, brah.

Christopher: And you think standing in the backyard while talking about my opponent about our upcoming match is more action packed?

Dustin is heard chuckling to himself after hearing that. Just a couple of seconds later, we get to a point in the video where Robbie and the Trailer Park Boys mention his name.]

Someone Who Doesnt Watch My Shit Said:What's his deal?

Well, he sits around with his friend and smokes a ton of grass, then wrestles.

Christopher: Do you even watch our shit, brah? That's a pretty fucking broad thing to say if you haven't. We haven't sat down and smoked in a large amount of our content. I mean, we've snorted crack rocks together, but that's about it. Do us a favor and watch some of our older videos. Maybe then you won't come off as a clueless dolt who only watches one of our videos and calls it quits.

Dustin: You're probably asking for a little too much there, dude. You know he'll watch this video and say that he watched all our stuff.

Christopher: If he does, that would only prove that he's a fucking liar. Gotta see if that view count goes up, brah.

Master of Bullshit Analogies Said:Okay. Well, Christopher Isles's whole life revolves around what he can get out of his pipe. I have a dojo. He has a pipe.

Christopher: This pipe thing goes on forever by the way, so I'll just stop that shit there. I have a pipe, yes. I also have a friend, a trampoline, years of backyard wrestling experience, injuries that I've recovered from as a result of backyard wrestling, a job at this federation, and a body that doesn't make me look like Grimace. Keep assuming that pipe is all I have, brah. Being a broken record makes it more fun for me to prove you wrong with the same shit I uttered with this.

Dustin: I think I skipped the part where he calls us corny.

Christopher: Like those men he wasted most of his screen time with? I must admit, those three men weren't all that fucking funny. And even if someone did laugh at their dumbass rambling, they probably think some Swedish jackass on YouTube spouting rape and cock jokes is fucking hysterical.

Dustin: He also calls himself an Alpha, I think.

Christopher: He does?

Dustin: Yeah.

[Chris starts to laugh like a villain normally would when they speak their plan out loud.]

Christopher: Well, someone's about to be demoted. It's a no disqualification match, brah. Anything can happen as soon as the bell rings. Then all of my backyard training will come in handy. Robbie, there's a thousand X-Bux hanging up there just for our match. Does it sound like it's worth me beating your skull in with whatever I can get my hands on? Will it be worth keeping your title of the dominant male, even if you're already the laughing stock of your school? I want you to think as hard as you possibly can, because I'll be more than happy to make everything worse on you.

[We then cut to black.]