Pest is standing on a stage staring at a crowd of farmers and hillfolk. The Iowa state flag is behind him as the backdrop. There’s a country and western band standing behind him looking confused. The singer is laying in a heap on the stage. It’s apparent that Pest has hijacked the stage of the Iowa State Fair to deliver his message to Peter.

Mr. WGWF:Did you now? You gave me an ass kicking? Are you sure it wasn’t Davey? You figure out who Davey is yet? Since last time I referred to him as Davey you got pretty confused. All up on his nuts, and got no idea what his real name is? Isn’t that just like Peter Gilmour? Not knowing something, but running your mouth like you do. Like you didn’t know Azrael was into men, but sure as shit you thought Scorpio was. After all, you’d know who was into men in this federation. Since you offer to let every guy here plug that nasty blown out rubber band you call an asshole. But you’re not a homosexual, you just happen to like jamming things into your own rectum, and having other men jam things into it.

You want to call records out, while bragging about being a champion? Ok. Let’s do this. You claim you’ve been a world champion, but you lost to Swagmire. You lost to Michael McBride. You’ve lost to Lucena. You’ve lost to Steve Davids. Hell, when it comes to a one on one you lose to just about everyone and their mothers. Didn’t you lose to Bryce’s mother? Because, Pot, I wouldn’t calling anything black. You keep talking about winning all of these titles, but we’ve yet to see you actually earn any of them on your own. You always need someone to help guide you to victory. Always. But let’s ignore normal logic, and look at it in Peter Gilmour logic. Peter is an unstoppable killing machine, and he only lost to Azrael, Swagmire, Theo, Scorpio, and everyone else ever because of John Madison. Since the day he joined the federation it’s always only been John Madison screwing Peter over. He’s a respected champion that everyone loves and admires. No one laughs at him to his face, or behind his back. Because that’s how Peter sees the world. He didn’t need Sid Feder to come in and fight his battle for him when Sewaside and Infamous were following him around causing trouble, and he didn’t appear on To Catch a Predator offering a Supreme with Pineapple to a little girl while he spoke of a sick mother.

Because Peter would never do things like that. He’s a saint. He doesn’t dong worship anyone, or cry like a baby. He has an iron clad contract that keeps him from ever losing, or having to get subjected to things like Bra and Panties matches, or getting buried in semen and shit. Hell, he’s the king of the XWF, not because Shane thought it’d be a funny joke, but because he’s just that important. He’s the only one people want to see fight, not someone like Aidan, or Azrael, Luca, or even Lucena. Only Peter. He’s rich enough to own a fleet of Maybachs that he can destroy every day. Because in Peter’s mind all of this is true. In Peter’s mind, we’re all jealous of his old ass, daddy fucking, AIDs riddled monkey looking wife. Have I properly locked in on Peter’s logic at this point? Is it clear to people that Peter is just fucking yet? SOMEONE TELL ME IT’S NOT JUST ME?! No, of course not. It’s also Tommy Gunn who sees this, which is why he’s launched an attack campaign on Peter. Because he called Peter out, but Peter’s trying to run away and hide. Speaking of hiding, Peter; will you actually show up and lose to Guppy, or no? He was once your biggest fan, not hard when he’s the only one in the club, but now he wants to kick your ass. Under the guise of being a nice guy. Peter, is this sinking in?

The crowd of people Pest was yelling at all look at him and a few women begin to sob.

Mr. WGWF:Oh my. I’ve made the woman folk cry. Are you going to take that you hillfolk? I made your sister mothers cry. What will do to pay me back? I’ve heard you inbred farm children are worth something. All I see is a bunch of cousin fuckers.

Pest scans the crowd once more and sees a woman of about 17 with a 5 year old by her. He keeps pawing at her and crying for momma. She tries to shush him and hide him from the Dildo Crown. He drops the microphone and rushes through the crowd to her. Some people move out of the way, while others try and stop him. He shoves everyone out of his way equally and makes his way to the girl.

He’s staring directly at her, but she hasn’t noticed him yet. Her brown hair is blowing in the wind, and the hem of her sun dress flutters. His palms get sweaty, and his breath quickens.

Mr. WGWF:Hi. I’m… Well, you can call me Pest for now. You sure do look like the prettiest ear of corn in this here mountain range.

Girl:Sir, you’re creeping me and my son out. Please leave us alone. And learn some geography. We’re in the flat lands right now. There’s no mountains for miles.

Mr. WGWF:That’s fine dear, the land may be flat, but your chest isn’t. And neither are my pants when I look at you. Let me show you my ear of corn.

She’s getting more annoyed, obviously so.
girl:Would you stop being so creepy. Running around here with these things stuck on your head, and your face all taped up like you was a mummy. Go away.

Mr. WGWF:Will you at least tell me your name? I’d love to know the name of the prettiest girl in the world.

She rolls her eyes.

Girl:My name is Jen. Now please leave.

Mr. WGWF:Of course. But I will be seeing you again, Jen.

He walks off, out of eye sight of Jen. As she goes about her day he creepily follows her. As the sun fades, she decides to leave and take her son home. Unbeknownst to her, Pest is following in a rental car and parks 4 houses away before walking back to her house. The house is a tiny little shotgun house that looks like it was built in the fifties. Pest is sitting under a window outside and he can hear everything going on. She apparently still lives with her father, and they’re arguing about her staying out so late on a school night. She puts her son to bed and is about to take a shower when her father walks in and starts yelling about her being a whore.

The sound of her being slapped and hitting the floor is heard clearly. Pest leaps up, scans for a rock, and finds one that he readily hurls through the window before leaping in himself. Her father rushes to the living room after hearing the glass break. He is taken back when he sees Pest standing there. A full 6 inches taller than the man, Pest begins his advance. Leaning in so he can look the man in the eyes, Pest slowly speaks.

Mr. WGWF:Why did you hit that girl? What did she ever do to you?

Father:I wanted a boy. She came out. Then she stayed out too long. That baby needs sleep, and she has class in the morning.

Mr. WGWF:So you hit your daughter because she was out with her son at the state fair? Tell me, what kind of father are you? Are you a good father?!
Pest wraps his long fingers around the man’s throat and slowly lifts him in the air. Jen has heard the noise and walks into the living room, trying to cover herself with a towel when she sees Pest suspending her father as if he was a doll in the air.

Jen:Pest! Let go of my father. What are you doing? How did you find me?
He obeys and drops her father to the floor where he lays in a ball.
Mr. WGWF:I followed you. Something about you enchanted me. I had to see you. I’m glad I did. He was hurting you.

Father:She’s my daughter. I can hurt her all I want. She is my property until she turns 18. I wanted a son, and I made her give me one.

Pest looks disgusted. He kicks the man.

Mr. WGWF:You raped your own daughter? You’ve tasted her flesh, and you feel no shame in this?

Father:Shame? Why should I feel shame? People have been doing it for centuries. She is nothing more than a worthless whore. She likes to be fucked by her daddy. She begs for it. Don’t you, baby?
She answers sheepishly.
Jen:Yes, Daddy.

Mr. WGWF:That is abominable. You are a horrible human being. I admit, I want to feel her flesh wrap itself around me. I long for the taste of her girlhood, but she is not my daughter.

Jen:You want to taste my girlhood? What the fuck does that mean?

Father:It means he’s a pervert. Call the cops, baby girl.

Before she can move to call the police Pest throws the rock he had broken the window with and knocks her unconscious. He then bends over and grabs the father by the throat and begins to choke him. The father loses consciousness, and Pest leaves him on the floor. He carries Jen to her room, and dresses her in proper clothing, stopping only to admire her beauty, but not touching. When she’s packed he carries her to his car, and lays her in the passenger seat. He goes back to collect the baby, and loads him in the car. Silently he drives the police station and removes the crown and mask. For the first time, his identity isn’t hidden. He carries her into the police station, explains what he heard, and goes to collect the baby. After dropping them off, Pest places the mask and crown back on before driving to California.

Mr. WGWF:Even I’m not monster enough to rape my own child.