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~~Gilmour Classic~~ · (05-19-2014)

It's Wednesday AND MARIA HAS FINALLY DELIVERED THE TEA!

After some time passes, Maria Brink finally returns to deliver Gilmour Classic his glass of ice tea. Gilly looks excited to start gulping down a fresh cup.

Maria Brink: Your drink, sir.

GC: Thank you, mi'lady. Next time you better put some pep in your step, woman! I was here for hours cutting promos with a dry throat.

Maria Brink: I'm very sorry. I'll be faster next time, my love.

Maria bows to GC as she was instructed to last time.

Maria Brink: Is there anything else I can do for you, my king?

GC: No but I do have a question. Do you have anything to do with this declaration from Swagmire that names you his manager? I know he's not my opponent this week but it did catch my attention as I was flipping through promos.

Maria Brink: No sir, I promise. I have no clue what Swagmire is up to.

GC: That's what I thought. This fool must think that by simply declaring something as his, that it automatically belongs to him. He's acting like the fake Gilmour. And watching those two insects argue over who Maria Brink belongs to is the most pathetic thing that I've ever seen. It's like watching two children fight over who gets play with a toy firetruck.

Swagmire

Fake Gilly

Look closely at the screen, you nitwits.

Gilmour Classic pulls Maria Brink in by her leash, forcing her to sit on his lap.

GC: She belongs... to ME!

Gilmour laughs wickedly. Once he's done laughing like a fuckin' demon, he winks sadistically at the camera. He then licks Maria's neck and lets out more demonic laughter towards the heavens. My God, that poor woman; someone save her! How much more wickedness can she endure from the demon?

GC: There was no declaration to be made. I simply took what I wanted. And now you two get to fight over who raped who while I get away scot-free with the bitch in my possession. By the way Swagmire, congratulations on wasting your time with that fake Peter Gilmour. It turns out, he was right. I was the man who Frodo tried to rape. Sadly, by the time I release this promo, you two will have already fought and fake Gilmour will have confessed something that never happened to him!

But I digress. Monday will be a beautiful day, mi'lady. Are you ready for it?

Maria Brink: Yes... sir...

GC: You just wait, I have so many surprises in store for you.

OOC: And what about the guests of the evening, GC?

GC: Do you have a list of who will be attending?

OOC: Yes, the list is growing each day, but I'm sure we can adjust.

GC: Excellent. And the party favors? We can't have our guests leave empty handed now.

OOC: The party favors are on the way.

GC: Great. You can leave now, OOC. Dong forget to close the door, you devil.

OH SHIT, GILLY NOOOOOO!

Oh my God, it's been two years since the infamous devil dong worshiping incident with Gilmour.

He was two years clean, devil dong-free.

Until now...

Echos can be heard through the apartment now...

"I dong worship the devil"

Fire begins to rain from the ceiling of the lavish apartment, and lavish lava pools begin to form.

And then... Satan himself appears in front of the demonic demon slayer.

Satan: Peter... we meet again. Hehehehe!

Gilmour puffs his chest out and stands his ground. After all, this is HIS lavish apartment.

GC: Get back, demon! You are not welcome here!

Satan: But Peter, you summoned me. It's been so long since we last met and this is how you greet me? I thought we were friends!

GC: NO! I never meant to say that I dong worship you, you bastard! It was a mistake! A mistake that I never thought would happen twice.

Satan: I see... Well, Gilmour, classic or not, there are consequences to your actions. I am the devil, ergo my time is valuable. You know the rules.

GC: FUCK YOU,

! I said it was a mistake just like the first time in 2012, ok? Now drop the bullshit before you feel my wrath. I can't believe something from so long ago is back in my life. I don't dong worship anything, you

!

Satan: I'm afraid you still must pay the price since you are not willing to follow through with your dong worship. You must sacrifice something to me... something that you hold close to you.

GC: Fine whatever, take my manager OOC.

OOC: Hey fuck you!

Satan: No, I'm afraid that's not enough... Nice try Gilly, but I'll need something CLOSER to you.

Satan reaches across the room with his long reach, and GRABS MARIA BRINK! OH FUCK! Gilly was right, this guy is being a real

!

GC: Put her down, you insect! Or I will DESTROY YOU!

Satan: NEVER! She is mine now. It is the only way to make up for your wrong doing.

GC: I'm gonna warn you one last time. Put her down or prepare to face my wrath!

Gilly gives Satan some time to think over his options. Satan makes his choice AND SWALLOWS MARIA BRINK WHOLE! Holy shit!

GC: NOOOO!

At that moment, Gilmour Classic screams like a banshee to the heavens.

The banshee scream hits Satan like a gust of wind traveling at 200 miles per hour. It knocks him back and causes him to freeze in place. Classic banshee scream. Gilmour runs up to Satan while he's still frozen in place, and SUPERMAN PUNCHES HIM IN THE JAW! Satan falls flat on his back after the punch. Gilmour walks up to Satan, punches him in the chest with both fists, and pulls out Maria Brink!

GC: This whore belongs to me, you foul demon! Now off with your head!

Gilmour punts Satan in the head and the head goes flying into the abyss!

At this point, the flames dissolve and the apartment returns back to its normal state with Maria Brink in Gilmour Classic's arms.

GC: Mi'lady, are you okay?

Maria Brink: Yes... Oh my God, thank you so much for rescuing me, Gilmour Classic!

Maria grabs GC by the back of his neck and pulls him in for an intense make out session.

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