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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Pay Per View Boards » War Games 2025 RP Board
Kings of Kings: Here For the Roast
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Big D Offline
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(loved by some; hated by some; dips between clean/dirty)


#1
Yesterday, 06:46 PM

Sir D

An honorable name bestowed upon a not-so-honorable man....... at least not always. The past may be the past, but sometimes one's sins are far too great for them to overcome, no matter how much they may try.

"NEIGGGGGGGGH!"

My newly, uh, found horse winnied at the thought of allowing an unknown rider upon its back.

"Whoaaaaaa, girl, whoaaaaaaaaa!" I attempted to sooth with a light stroke of the side. As it leaned back in an attempt to throw me off, I felt something rather large slap the inside of my inner calf. "Sorry," I apologized with more pets. "Boy."

Eventually, the black stallion realized it was no match for a former Knight of the BOBtable and calmed itself.

"Good boyyyyyy," I cooed like a mother to her child. "Now, let's see what you can do."

I whipped the reigns and the horse kicked back, this time at my request. With another whip, the steed took off towards the woods, but not before a quick stop at the body of its former cavalier. A faceless man, at least in my eyes, but not a nameless one.

LORD COREY

A title as distinguished as my own.

I reached into my armor and pulled out an unsealed parchment addressed to the poor sap, a cordial invitation from a King Kieran to attend his Royal Wedding. Two things crossed my mind when I stumbled upon this summons: the feast that awaited said matrimony.............. and the fact that nobody ruled over me but myself.

My eyes shifted from the paper to the fallen lord, the sword that led to his untimely undoing still lodged inside his chest. From there, I looked to my side, where my blade rested cleanly in its sheath. Without another thought, I tucked the note back into my metal plating, gave one good *THWIP* and went on my way.

After a stop at a local pub for directions(and a couple of brews), I rode in the direction of this alleged 'king.' I'd come to this land with the hope of starting anew, but was already getting the feeling I was in for more of the same. I wasn't proud of myself for stealing a dead man's horse but, considering he no longer had use for it, I didn't consider it his horse anymore. Just like the invitation wasn't his, and neither was the healthy bag of gold tied at his hip.

"Should've buried him, though......." I regretfully exhaled. "It's the least I could do for saving me the trouble of hoofin' it........... no offense, Bob." I'd christened the former Lord's horse after my homeland, a lingering echo of my past.

*SLICE*

With a quick flash of light, ole Bob's separated from his body, slowly sliding down the side with one fresh, clean cut. The instant decapitation sent the rest of his body flying forward towards a tree. Luckily, I was able to backflip off and land on my feet, weapon drawn, before any real damage could befall me.

"Most impressive."

Standing before me was a mysterious figure, a stranger I'd no sooner recognize than God himself, sword drawn and ready to be used once more. As I got into a defensive stance, I noticed not all of the blood on his blade was fresh.

"It was YOU," I declared, circling around this newly discovered villain. "You're the one who murdered Lord Corey!"

A laugh bellowed from the hooded assailant. "Very gooooood!" He hissed with sick delight. "And had you not stumbled upon my dark deed, I wouldn't have had to temporarily abandon my sword, and miss out on that chunk of change he had on him." His mouth contorted into a grin. "I'm impressed! The Knights of the BOBtable were never known for their brains!"

His words caught me off guard. This man seemed strangely familiar, but not in a repressed memory sort of way so much as the random guy you see at the local market every weekend kind of way. Regardless, he'd proven himself to not only be dangerous, but also a threat to my livelihood.

"If you like my brain," I began, preparing to strike. "You're gonna love my brawn!"

Our swords clinked and clashed multiple times, backing my opponent against a tree.

"I assure you, Lord Corey will not be missed," he insisted, doing just enough to keep me at bay. "You'll find out for yourself realllllll soon!"

With a powerful shove, I tripped backwards, regaining my balance just in time to block a lethal blow. And another. And another. Everytime I'd look for an opening to attack, I was forced to defend.

"What's the matter?" my enemy asked with another forceful blow. "Surely a Knight of the BOBtable has a little more fight in him than this!" After another strike he paused for a brief moment, looking at the spot on my armor where my emblem had once stood. "I see........... you must be a disgraced knight! No matter, I'll do your former brethren a favor by ending your miserable life! Sad, even Lord Corey put up more of an fight than THIS!"

As my would be executioner raised his weapon to deliver his final blow, I saw my opening. With my sword up to prevent my demise, I lifted my leg and delivered a swift kick to the balls that caused him to sing a few octaves higher.

"That's was for Bob!" I exclaimed while swinging at my opponent. "And this is for the fallen Lord!"

I caught him!.......... slightly off guard. The tip of my steel grazed his cheek, cutting it slightly. Unfortunately, it was merely a flesh wound. Despite this, my unknown foe's attitude did a complete 180.

"Curse you!" He brought two fingers to his lips and let out a whistle. From behind some bushes, a horse twice the size of the one I permanently borrowed rushed towards us. "I don't have time for this..........." He leaned up in the air, high above the steed, before perfectly landing in its saddle and riding away. "You'll be seeing me again!"

And then he was gone.

I let out a sigh of relief and sheathed my sword. "I hope so." I thought back to my underhanded move, a tactic that surprisingly was NOT frowned upon in my former brotherhood. Remembering back to many battles before where someone had to poke an eye to escape or threaten a person's family just to get them to cooperate, I couldn't help but smile. Not because I missed that lifestyle, but because I was glad to be gone. There was no honor in being that kind of Knight; sure, there was plenty of success, but what good was winning if it didn't actually mean something. I wasn't disgraced in a way that made me feel ashamed, on the contrary, I felt great pride in knowing I had risen above harming another man's spouse all for the sake of revenge. And while I could never fully escape my past, at least I could learn from it. Like knowing that sometimes you gotta aim for the grapefruits when it's a matter of life and death. No shame in tthat.

I dusted myself off, took a deep breath, and began walking in the direction of King Kieran's castle; the same way my attacker had ridden off. Before I could continue, I stopped to look at my recently beheaded companion.

"At least you'll be reunited with your true rider," I whispered with a smile. "Looks like I'm gonna be hoofin' it, afterall."

With one more big breath of fresh air, I continued my journey towards possibly being history's first ever wedding crasher............





"It's War Games, which means Big D's got a plethora of opponents, and potential ones. I could go on about being a former Team winning Captain, or how Cage matches have always been a specialty of mine; but I think the best way to handle this is with a good old fashioned roast!"

"Savannah Knightley, I would rather go the Mike Singletary route and compete with one less ally than have you on my team! And it really shows the kind of Leader Isaiah King is when he'd rather pick a human floatation device than the Invisible Man! I know, I know, he's a former Universal Champion, but he lost it to Ned, which is almost worse than never having it at all! Sorry Sebastian Everett-Bryce! Hey, at least you learned from your mistake and got it back a few months later, I'm sure everyone was proud when you beat the living embodiment of a men's shampoo commercial for your second reign. As sad as it is, though, Savannah Knightley might wind up being the MVP of that team when you look at the rest of 'em! I was gonna go with an old joke for Centurion, but that's not fair. Everyone grows old............. but not everyone loses the Xtreme Championship a few days before defending it in an actual match! It's okay, Cent', I know you're a legit competitor in the ring; it's everywhere else that's the problem! Could be worse, you could always be related to Charlie Nickles like Jennie is! The only thing worse than being related to Charlie is actually BEING Charlie. BOOM! Roasted."

"Betsy's team look like a bunch of winners, and by winners, I mean losers. Barney Green's lost to me, multiple times! If Barney was smart, he would've stayed retired so nobody would forget that miraculous World Title run he had before the age of the Centurion's......... I mean dinosaurs. Corey Black seems pretty intimidating............ for an Umpa Loompa. Seriously, is he even tall enough to ride War Games? Maybe S.E.B. can hoist him on his shoulders for a little boost. Team Granger's gonna need it because, heaven's to Betsy they are terrible! I'd give them the benefit of having one half of the Tag Team Champions on their side, but considering his partner is on the other side of the ring, a betrayal might just keep this team from ever having the chance to show the world how bad they are! BOOM! Roasted."

"Oz. TK. I have too much respect for what I used to be to drag those guys through the mud, if anything, they're the brightest spot for any team besides my own. If we were up to our old ways, they'd deck Solomon for me so I could win the Xtreme Championship once more. Good times, good times. As for the other two, you're nothing to me. Psycho has a belt because he caught Centurion taking an old man nap, and Sarah Wolf looks like Sandy if she hadn't met Jon Travolta, mixed with some daddy issues and shitty tattoos. BOOM! Roasted."

"People have always called me a walking dick jokes, but at least my name isn't LITERALLY penis. To Dickie's credit, he's the real Captain of that team, considering he whooped Scoops' ass last Warfare. The best decision Mr. McGee made was Drafting the late great Richard Powers, and even that ended up being the wrong choice. Game Girl's okay if you're into the whole anime otaku thing......... which I am! And I could address Amber Mansley but, let's be real, I've already wasted too much time on a team that clearly ain't making it past their first match. BOOM! Roasted."

"Then there's the team we're facing............ you know, it's fitting seeing Reggie Estrada surrounded by bitches. What he lacks in talent he makes up for in game. Respect. If you're gonna lose may as well have Roxy Cotton at your side; too bad he's got a double bagger like Tatiana on the other one! Heard she's got a short fuse, which is good because I hear Reggie's working with a short something, as well! Hey, at least she's sleeping around for fun, unlike Atara who did it to get to the top! James Raven, very nice! Bet that didn't benefit you one bit! But what do I know? You're in the Top 50 and Big D is not, which is crazy, because even I've beaten a former Universal Champion! Don't worry, hun, 'cause you're not alone. Roxy's always been close to Vinnie Lane, so one can only imagine with one hand the things she did to be a Captain. I've seen it plenty of times in this business, tits over talent; and Roxy's team is allllllllll tits, no talent. Even Reggie's chesticles outweigh his ability. Which is exactly why none of them will see the Main Event, we're gonna personally make sure of that! BOOM! Roasted."

"What else is there to say? I incinerated everybody with my words, now it's time to do it with my ACTIONS! I've never made it past the first match of a War Games, but I get the feeling this year's gonna be different. I have a great team, infinite confidence, and the will to push further than I ever have before. Might just win the whole damn thing. And that ain't no story or, in this case, fairy tale............ it's the Cold Sir D Truth!"

June 2019 XWF Superstar of the Month
2019 Relentless Fishing Contest Winner
1x XWF World Heavyweight Champion
1x bWo World Heavyweight Champion [despite what Miss Furry or James J. Dildo says]
1x NWF World Heavyweight Champion
2x XWF Xtreme Champion 
2x XWF TV Champion
1x XWF Internet Champion
1x NWF World Tag Team Champion (w/Slim)
1x NWF Xtreme Champion
1x NLCW Slamfest Champion
1x LCW Hardcore Champion
3x WWF X-Division Champion
1x WWF World Tag Team Champion (w/Seth Flash)
1x WWF Dark Champion
1x WWF TV Champion
1x EGW Fury Champion
3x XWF Federweight Champion
4x XWF Heavymetalweight Champion
1x 420* Cruiserweight Champion
2x CMW Hardcore Champion
1x XHW T.V. Champion
1x WXC Hardcore Champion
1x XPW U.S. Champion
1x WLFC Tag Team Champion w/Chance
1x WWC T.V. Champion
1x WWC European Champion
1x WWF 24/7Hardcore Champion
2x WLFC 24/7 Hardcore Champion


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