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+--- Thread: Motherfuckers Raid! (part one) (/showthread.php?tid=35197)
Motherfuckers Raid! (part one) - "The Wolf of Afghanistan" Joshua Schuler - 10-21-2019
October 23rd, 2019 the day the XWF Universe may not have been waiting for, but drastically need. Warfare episode whatever the mark of the return of the ones who will take you to edge every time. The return of the MotherFuckers! You know, the ones who aren’t afraid to have an orgy with your sister, mom, and grandma at the same time…
A reenactment of the Area 51 Raid that occurred earlier this year begins to roll on the screens of everyone tuning into the XWF Universe. Not quite the outcome everyone on the internet was hoping for, maybe a hundred of the million or more people who said they’d show up and clap alien cheeks. Typical internet shit talk. Amongst the raiders is nothing but what most would call weirdos and nerds. Some dressed in crazy get up, others in their pajamas still. Some even escorted by their loving mothers. None look as if they could even raid France, let alone a United States Military base.
More people than the actual event had. People scattered about having light saber battles, telekinesis wars, other nerdy but kind of thrilling shit, and of course some are just socializing. One of the actors stands out and kind of resembles Lux. Wearing a pink shirt that reads, “I have balls, where my Vagina should be!” and a pair of uncomfortably tight skinny jeans. She/he paces back and forth with a sign that reads “Free Azrael Erebus!” on one side and the other “I Love Alien Gangbangs!” Most of the crowd stays clear of the Lux look alike. Being that the Airforce guards seem to have taken a special interest in whatever it prefers to be labeled as.
Panning back down the desert road BWP is tailgating the event with his brother in arms Robbie Motherfuckin’ Bourbon. Sitting outside an orange 93’ Jeep Grand Wagoneer lifted six inches with some forty-four Nitto Mud Grapplers, Mayhem custom front bumper, 9000 lb. wench, and a snorkel kit. XWF’s most controversial tag team is grilling some Denver Cut inch thick steaks, potatoes, onions, and assortment of peppers wrapped in tinfoil and covered in butter. Charcoal grill of course, propane just doesn’t give a proper grilling taste. Comparing the two would be like comparing the Motherfuckers to Alien Boy and his little bitch. Anyone with real taste would know which one is the better.
Smoke is roaring out of the grill like elementary Gymnasium when they use to teach children how to stay low and escape smoke filled rooms with guidance from the local fire department. BWP being a grilling GOD stands up from his zero-gravity chair. Before making his way to the grill he opens a large cooler filled with nothing but ice, St. Pauli Girl, and chocolate stout Bourbon’s beverage choice. Pig pulls out one of Bourbon’s favorite beers and tosses it to him. Slamming his hand back into the freezing ice he removes a bottle of St. Pauli Girl from the bottom. Placing the cap in his mouth he bites down and cranks the bottle using his teeth to pop the cap off before tossing it in a trash bag tied to the rear passenger door of his jeep. Taking a big ole gulp, Pig sighs in relief.
Robbie begins to open his brew and take a sip of his own. Before nit picking toward BWP.
“So how much longer do we have to wait on the food, all this waiting around to make sure no one is harmed during this raid is making me hungry. This is exactly why I said we should have just brought a propane grill, much easier to judge and cook on. Plus, we want to taste the meat not the heat!”
Pig chuckles out loud at the audacity of his good buddy wishing to use propane instead of the most flavorful way to cook meat besides smoking it with wood chips.
“Robbie don’t worry bub! Daddy Pig has got this. Just because you don’t have the patience and grillery skills to cook with the far superior heat source which is charcoal doesn’t mean I will fuck these delicious cow flays up. I may not be the brightest or most thrilling man alive. I have been passed down skills of war and skills of the grill from the beginning of my family’s lineage. Plus, it doesn’t seem like anything too chaotic is even going to go down. It looks more like a childish rave and I don’t believe anyone down there has the balls to cut fence and slit throats.”
Robbie Bourbon just chuckles knowing he has never been any good at grilling with charcoal but has had the pleasure of tasting properly grilled meats from a charcoal grill. As Pig flips the steaks and peaks into the tinfoil at the buttery assorted veggies. Words flow from his lips like a fresh roaring river.
“The raiders may not seem to be of any threat, but we damn sure know what our government is capable of. It may just be a great ploy to take out some of the people they feel aren’t worthy of this country and use one of their own to give reason for a massacre. We must stay vigilante and on point.”
Pig finishes checking their food, closing the lid of the grill.
“Okay well if you want me to stay focused and on point you might want to tell that belly of yours to stop growling. It reminds me of being at a zoo near the lion’s exhibit. Fucking thing is loud and ferocious. I told you I have some Sweet Baby Ray’s Beef Jerky in the center console. Don’t know if you should eat some now, since we only have a few more minutes until dinner is served. Who am I kiddin? I’m about to enjoy some myself! Nothing like some jerky before a couple delicious steaks and some fucking cholesterol filled veggies.”
Bourbon chuckles before slamming the rest of his chocolate yummy yum, yum. BWP walks over to his old but new jeep with a smile hidden under his burly face mane. Opening the door to the jeep slowly and mythically like the Motherfuckers return to the XWF. Quickly he removes the jerky from the center console, removing a couple pieces for himself before tossing the bag to his bud. Closing the door. He looks back to the raiders at the gates who seem to be just enjoying their time. Not really for the freedom the internet made it seem like they would enjoy. Just the normal typical gathering of the sheeple. Pig shakes his head, being a firm military man who has seen the darkness would love to see the people rise for what they truly believe and receive answers they want, even if they aren’t the answers they where seeking. Pig then jolts his eyes to an XWF drone that had been hovering above for some time, fucking NINJA CAMERAS!
“Well, well, well. It seems I have a little time on my hand and well there seems to be a lot of talk about what the fuck both of us are doing back? I know this not to be the talk of the fans who love whenever we link the fuck up. No, this is talk from our opponents who seem to believe us the people’s warriors aren’t really about the people. Funny thing is when you have such a loyal fan base and stern followers even when we as entertainers need to take a break, the real fans are understanding. Not needing to know the true depths of what would cause such and uproot. Something we the Motherfuckers have developed in our short stint.
Lux, Azrael, that is something maybe you won’t ever have the pleasure of enduring or maybe ya’ll aren’t as intelligent as I once believed. Hell, when ya’ll can’t even come to terms to choose the ‘weakest’ link together well maybe you aren’t much of a team. I mean I know who I believe to have been our weakest link, Engy because he left us high and dry for his own personal gain, but that’s done and over with. I’ve been apart of many teams, some here in XWF and some where shit was a little more survivalist.
Numero uno thing I learned is not to judge the team by individual skills or assets. It is a tag match for fucks sake. It isn’t about who can prevail as the golden boy, it is about picking up the parts your partner is weaker and vice versa. I feel like every match that we were ever booked in someone always tries the tactic of separating common interest. It really hasn’t worked so far with Bourbon and I, yet here we are against an all powerful superbeing from Uranus or some shit. Who obviously blemish his resume and accomplishments? I mean if you’ve conquered planets and shit. Why test your gladiatorial skills on us pathetic humans? It just doesn’t make sense unless you have some power god like mentality that is obviously lacking in one way or another.
Then there is Lux a female assassin from the future trapped in a boy’s body. This is 2019 they have operations for that now. Hell, they will even allow you to compete against the opposite sex now. Yes, you’ve beat me in a one on one, but I don’t believe you’ve faced me when I have someone else’s heart at will. I’ve never been much of a man to fight for myself or make myself look the best or baddest, but I have always had an infatuation with making others believe in their true potential and achieving that, hell it brings out a better version of myself. Not that Bourbon needs that because hell he was achieving things here in the XWF long before my time.
Most likely while I was over seas trying to help the poor fight against an enemy, they just couldn’t defeat with out our help. Not that they weren’t capable they had just been blindsided into a state of fear. Much like most kids in school that get bullied, not many people really enjoy watching the bully do his thing, but everyone is afraid they will be next. Not realizing if they all banded together the outcome would be in their favor. Well ya’ll can just think of Bourbon and Myself as the Motherfuckers who will show the world and all the children to stand up for what they believe! Even if the odds are stacked against them, because if they just sit by and allow whatever bullshit is occurring the odds will always be stacked against them.
Which we aren’t about to allow, even here in the XWF. If by a chance we do loose, which I highly doubt, because we are a solid unit. At least we where the fist to stand up and say we are willing to fight, fresh out the mental ward and thirsty to prove we really are what the people want. So, we maybe a little unstable, unpredictable, which you already knew we are!”
Pig quickly snaps out of his rant and walks over to the grill pounding the rest of his bottle of beer and flips the grill open with authority. Grabbing a pair of custom tongs and removes the delicious freshly cut Denver Steaks from a local butcher, one hundred percent grain fed beef. Rare maybe medium rare, Pig being the hog that he is loves the taste of some fresh blood. Plopping the one pound plus steaks one by one on the serving tray. Peeling open the tinfoil the buttery smell of assorted vegetables begins to linger in the air. Pig then scoops the open tinfoil boat in the air flipping the veggies out of the tinfoil and onto the serving platter. Pig walks the tray over to the Motherfuckers staging area and places it on a small fold out table made from wood and metal hardware allowing it to fold and form to something able to travel with.
Pulling a blade from his pocket, Pig slices into the meat, it is perfect and arouses both men. Possibly the raiders and the air force guards down the way as well. Pig then slides the tray toward Robbie with a smile.
“Dinner is served my friend. It is hot so Id suggest you give it a little minute before gorging. I know I have a hard time waiting as well. Kind of like how I am having a hard time waiting for our match at Warfare to get my fixation on some violence!”
Bourbon chuckles and tosses Pig a beer he had grabbed while he was on his promo shit.
“Cheers to that partner!”
Pig and Bourbon smash their bottles together and begin chugging, like the little engines that will!