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+--- Thread: I'm not in Kansas ANYMORE!! (/showthread.php?tid=26434)
I'm not in Kansas ANYMORE!! - Justin Sayn - 02-05-2017
Well it wasn't the start I had hoped for. What a terrible debut. You know maybe I was looking for as place filled with rainbows and unicorns, but what I found was a place filled with demons and strange beings. It's like I'm in a sick and twisted version of OZ, but yet I feel as though I belong. As I look around me I don't know who is real. I can't seem to figure that out yet. Dear God I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore.
So now let's fast forward a bit. I am now a part of this “LETHAL LOTTERY.” Maybe if I play my cards right; I may be able to be semi productive. This could be the break I've been looking for. We shall see.
(Los Angeles California)
As Sayn picks himself up off the very cheap motel room bed he realizes.
Sayn : “SON OF BITCH THAT FUCKING HOOKER STOLE MY WALLET!”
As he makes his way to the check out desk he tries to give the slip.
Receptionist : “Excuse me sir?”
Sayn keeps walking as though he didn't hear her.
Receptionist : “ Sir where are you going?”
Again Sayn keeps walking as though he didn't hear her.
Sayn finally feels a tap on his shoulder.
Receptionist : “ Sir where do you think you are going? You haven't paid for your room.”
Sayn : “ Well since you're so damn persistent. I seemed to have had a little issue last night.”
Receptionist : ( With a confused look on her face) “ What do you mean issue?”
Sayn : “ Well I had a lady friend with me last night and it seems as though she made off with my wallet.”
The receptionist just keeps staring at Sayn as if he's lost his damn mind.
Sayn : “ So unless you know who or where she is I'm a little strapped for cash seeings how everything was in my wallet.”
Receptionist : “ Well sir, if you'd let me explain. The night shift found your wallet in the lobby as you were coming in; but we couldn't give it back due to the DO NOT DISTURB sign on your door for the night and until just now.”
Sayn grabs the wallet in shame and doesn't even say another word just pays for his room and leaves.
Well that was a wee bit embarrassing. Sayn thought to himself. Well shit now what do I do with myself? As Sayn walks around the streets of Los Angeles he sees a sign for an amateur comedy show. He thinks to himself. Why the fuck not? What do I have to loose? Sayn walks in to the club to register for the show.
Sayn : “I would like to sign up for your amateur show?”
The club director looks up at Sayn.
Club Director : “ What the..... Dude what's with your face?”
Sayn : “Long story and I don't think we have time for all of that.”
Club Director : “ I see well I hope to God you're as funny with your routine as you are in your appearance.”
Sayn : “ Hey now! Look at it this way they'll either be laughing at my jokes or at the way I look. Either way it's a WIN/WIN for me aye?”
Club Director : “ We will surly see I have a spot open for 10:00pm is that good for you?”
Sayn : “ Perfect! Just perfect!”
Sayn leaves the club with the tiniest bit of confidence.
Sayn thinks to himself “ So this is Los Angeles? Could this be the start of something new? I mean back home people thought I was quite the clown. It doesn't fucking help that now I actually look half like one. (SIGH) I hope this works. I need something positive happening in my miserable life.”
Sayn goes back to the motel and he starts to get ready for his show at the club. He digs in his back and he grabs his suit, shirt and tie and begins to get ready. By now it's almost time to see how well he can do at comedy.
(It's now 9:59 and Sayn is waiting behind the curtain waiting to be called out.)
Club Director : “Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have a new comer. I have never seen anyone quite like this guy. So without further adieu I give you Justin Sayn!!”
( The crowd gives some claps and some shouts so hear we go)
Sayn : “Good evening Los Angeles. How are y'all tonight? You guys are in safe hands I've been doing stand up now for well money and sex.”
(Crowd gives away a few chuckles.)
Sayn : “ So how many of you here tonight are Jewish?” ( A few people give shouts) “Well I'm glad to see your ancestors made it passed the baking process.” “ I mean it's true you few wouldn't be here if they didn't.” “ Seriously all jokes aside. Did you guess know that Adolf Hitler was actually an amazing cook?” (waits for reaction) “ No? How could you not know that? Everything he made was kosher.” ( Majority of the crowd laughs) “ I mean come on seriously we've painted Hitler as an evil genius. I mean yes he corralled Jews into camps like cattle. Yes he tried to establish a dominate Aryan race; but lets look at some good deeds that he did. He implemented a vast and thriving economy with no unemployment, he emphasized respect for women,children and strong family values, he banned animal experimentation, he even funded research into “FREE TECHNOLOGY”; but there is one thing that Hitler did that was so amazing. You seriously have to give this man some credit, because Adolf Hitler did the one thing that no one else in the world could ever do. ( Crowd awaits Sayn's statement) He killed Hitler!
( The crowd erupts with laughter)
Sayn : “ So I was talking to a group of lesbians the other day, and I asked them well what would it take for you to go back on solids? One without hesitation said 12 inches. I said well fuck I can give you 12 inches. In 4 installments.”
(Huge laughter from the crowd)
Sayn : “ So historically our loving first president had no legitimate children with his loving wife Martha. So why did he have so many illegitimate children with his mistress? Well I guess it was because he was a minuteman!”
(Little laughter)
Sayn : “ Whats the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?” (Sayn pauses) “ A hooker can wash her crack and resell it!”
(Crowd laughs hysterically)
Sayn : “ Thank you ladies and gentleman. My name is Justin Sayn and you guys were awesome.
Thank you everyone my time is up.”
Sayn exists the club and heads back to the motel to ponder on what he may do next.