06-27-2023, 10:50 PM
Angelo was in quite the hurry this morning. He hit the snooze button a few too many times, and he didn't have any extra cash to buy lunch, so he whips open his fridge. Mayo, check. Cheese? Absolutely. Leftover asparagus from two nights ago? Don't judge. Ah, there it was. The ham. He pulls everything out and swiftly pulls out two slices of bread, knowing this would do in a pinch to sate his hunger come lunchtime as he shoves the rest of his breakfast banana into his mouth. A quick smear with a butter knife with the mayo on one slice of his basic white bread, then a slice of the processed American cheese. The asparagus would help that out. The ham, though, was the nice stuff, leftover from the weekend when he hosted the same dinner party the asparagus was a hit at. Two slices of ham go atop the aparagus, then the last slice of bread crowns it. A Ham Sandwich is prepared.
Angelo finagles his ham sandwich into a plastic zipper bag that's almost the precise size for a sandwich, which means the struggle to slide it in just right is real. Angelo manages to get the sandwich in before he rushes out the door and to his economy car. Angelo places the sandwich on the roof of his car, opens it, enters, and starts the engine, forgetting his lunch atop his ride. This would be a woeful lunch for Angelo and his big day at the office, giving a full presentation to the team, but for the ham sandwich, the day was just beginning.
It was along the freeway the sandwich finally flew from Angelo's roof and onto the windshield of a bus full of nuns on their way to the annual NunYa, the positive reinforcement nun convention being held down at the community center. The driver, a pro, reacts in time, hitting the windshield wipers, and scooching the bagged sandwich off of the flat windshield, sending it careening off of the freeway and into a creek. The bag, fortunately sealed by Angelo, is air tight, and it floats gently downstream a ways until it is snagged by a fisherman's hook just above the zipper, keeping the integrity of the sandwich intact.
Rightly confused, the fisherman looks at the sandwich, which was absolutely not a fish, and contemplates it. It looked fresh, how did someone lose this? The fisherman shrugs and walks to a nearby bench where he places it. A young couple, holding hands and appreciating the lovely view of the stream, approach the bench, and noticing the sandwich, ask the fisherman if it's his. The fisherman shrugs and disavows knowledge of it. The couple, in tandem mind you, toss the sandwich over the bench, where it lands in the open backpack of a hiker who had forgotten to close it.
The backpacker continues their hike, and the ham sandwich continues it's magical journey, ever onward, just as prepared as it was earlier as it left Angelo's hands. Unfortunately, the backpacker is clumsy, and stumbles over an exposed root, rustling their pack and sending it's contents flying. The ham sandwich soars through the air, landing in the brim of a ten gallon hat worn by a cowboy just a moseyin' along. The cowboy walks away from the creek and gets into his jeep, the license plate of which reads "HORSE". He drives a spell until he decides it's a nice day and removing the canvas top would be absolutely lovely. As he pulls over on the side of the road, he steps out, dipping his head, with which, the ham sandwich slides off and falls.
As it does, a high speed pursuit is underway, and the sandwich lands nestled into the flashing lights of a police interceptor giving chase. Eventually, the cop has to PIT maneuver the driver, which sends the ham sandwich yet again flying through the air. It's at this very moment that a specific referee by the name of Dennis opens the window because it's a nice day outside, and the sandwich flies in through it, landing on Mark Flynn as he prepares to do crunches in front of Dennis to show him what abs are all about. Dennis, seeing Flynn's shoulders still on the ground and a sandwich on top of him, goes to work.
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